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Original poster

How can they move on so quickly?

13 replies

amethyst69 · 27/10/2019 02:45

Married 3 years together 6. Found out my husband had been on swinging site (as bicurious) for 5 months following a fling in January. Counselling a fail as he walked out when challenged by the counsellor, they said he was displaying traits of a narcissist. Pathology liar as well. Either way it's over but he's still living here until he 'decides' he will get a flat. I've a solicitors appointment next week and I know it's for the best but I'm not doing great. Last week I found him walking through town with another woman. He had told her he'd been single for 10 years and lived in a shared house 🙄. Yesterday he left at 10am and still hasn't returned and whilst I know we're are separated I'm hurt upset and angry enough without him seemingly taking the p*. How can he switch off without a thought for my feelings? It's not like he can't move out it just feels like I'm being punished for his behaviour!

OP posts:
vvbrownxo · 27/10/2019 02:51

Narcissists are the absolute fucking worst.

No advice but offering a hand hold x

Mintjulia · 27/10/2019 03:00

I’m so sorry. Your ex is an insensitive git.

As far as he’s concerned, you’ve had the discussion, it’s over, so he can do as he pleases with a clear conscience .

Some people are so self obsessed they don’t think about the extra hurt they are causing. You need him to leave as soon as possible.

custardbear · 27/10/2019 04:25

Honestly, you're better off without him. He's just an arse, the sort of bloke where anyone will do rather than waiting to find a good partner - I hope you boot him out very soon - good luck

Original poster
amethyst69 · 27/10/2019 05:13

Thanks for the hand hold and kind words. I will be better off definitely. His stuff went in the spare room yesterday. I was giving him til the end of the month but I think he's crossed the line now so it'll be outside soon.

OP posts:
lexiepuppy · 27/10/2019 08:18

Read up on narcissists. They lack empathy and will love bomb at the beginning of the relationship, then devalue and discard.
They will need to have their ego massaged and be validated, thats why they move on so quickly.

You will need help processing the relationship as it is possible that you are a highly sensitive person/ empath and may well be codependent.

Watch YouTube videos by Inner integration, Sarah Speaks, Narc Survivor, Dr Ramani Durvasula.

Read articles about narcissists/sociopaths/psychopaths.

It will give you an insight into their behaviour. Knowledge is power with personality disordered people.

Try to go No contact with him once he leaves the flat. Good luck.Flowers

Original poster
amethyst69 · 27/10/2019 08:36

Thanks lexiepuppy. I've been in counselling since April so a lot of work has been done already and I came across an amazing group called Out of the fog which taught me the tools to get me where I am now. I'm not surprised at his behaviour but as s normal emotional human being I just don't get it but that's who he is. I'm looking forward to the peace of mind I'm not getting back and unless necessary have no intention of speaking to him unless it's about the divorce.

OP posts:
Original poster
amethyst69 · 27/10/2019 08:37

Peace of mind I'm now getting back! Typo 😊

OP posts:
stucknoue · 27/10/2019 08:40

Depends on the time scale, I'm 8 months on from my h ending our marriage and I'm dating, I didn't ask to be in this position but I'm making the most of it, sitting at home moping doesn't do any good. You say April you started counselling so spotting him 6 months on isn't that fast

Original poster
amethyst69 · 27/10/2019 08:53

stuckonue I was initially in counselling as part of us both being in counselling to help our marriage. We then started couples counselling 4 weeks ago. Unfortunately I thought we were on the same page having been on holiday in August, spending time planning things, working on the house, going out, generally being a married couple
etc . Unfortunately I found out about his other plans which involved dating sites and other women. So I thought things were OK up until 3 weeks ago. In fact prior to the woman last Sunday he had been trying to make things right again. So the timescale is about a week.

OP posts:
crappyday2018 · 27/10/2019 09:05

So sorry OP. He's a complete arsehole and you know you're better off without him anyway. Doesn't stop it hurting though.
Sorry to sound sexist here but, in my experience, men generally find it easier to move on very quickly. Its probably a mixture of the 'ego' thing but I do think most men just don't cope well without a woman in their life. I know SO many of my friend's exes who were dating someone straight away. My ex had already hooked up with an old ex of his literally within weeks of us splitting up.
Women usually try to take the time to reflect on their relationship and be happy in themselves before diving into something else. Men just dive in.
I would definitely try to get him out as soon as you can. Seeing him with other women and being forced to see his comings and goings isn't going to help you move on.

Original poster
amethyst69 · 27/10/2019 09:15

Thanks. I agree totally. I'm hoping it will be Thursday (his payday) if not before as it isn't nice having it shoved in your face. Speaking to his family he did the same thing with his first wife so I shouldn't be surprised. But yep it hurts x

OP posts:
crappyday2018 · 27/10/2019 09:20

Make-up on, head up and stay fabulous!!!

Original poster
amethyst69 · 27/10/2019 09:23

Thank you Flowers

OP posts:
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