Sorry, long but I'm getting this off my chest!! 3 weeks ago I came back from a 2 week holiday with a friend and feel so upset after her behaviour, I can't quite shake it!
She invited me as her plus one to a big wedding in a country where she speaks the language and I don't, spending time with a family group she knows who dont speak much English (or any other language I know). I was happy to go with the flow, see somewhere new and understood she would not be there to interpret for me 24/7 so did my best with an online translate and phrase book. I am well travelled for work and leisure so was happy to be independent and wasn't clingy or intimidated by the new place or me not speaking much of the language. The family there were extremely welcoming and kind.
However. She was rude, inconsiderate and patronising to me to the point where I ended up going off and doing my own thing for the last 4-5 days.
She more or less ignored me the whole time (the family organised a lot of activities together) going off with new people she had met who were part of the group and only very sporadically conveying what the conversation was about, preferring to speak to me like shit in front of her friends including new people, put me in a very awkward situation at a sauna involving springing on me while changing that I would have to go in naked or offend our very kind hosts even after i had made it clear i was extremely uncomfortable with this. When I got in, some others were in swimsuits so it wouldn't have mattered but she insisted which looking back was bloody weird. This really upset me and has triggered memories of sexual assault and being backed into a corner. I obv know there is no sexual element to the nudity at a spa and no issue with others there choosing to be nude but this is how I felt at her insistence. When I later calmly told her I was upset at this, she more or less gaslit me, insisting that public nudity is a big part of british culture and i was talking rubbish.
When buying food for a 6 hour journey, she bought all the food in the small kiosk near the train leaving me with almost nothing (it was clear to see what stock they had). Sounds really stupid but there were loads of small examples of this kind of thing including waking me up at 4am on the phone insisting I had locked her and the others out of their flat (I had had enough and got my own hotel room by this point) and taken the key. Which I of course had not. No apology for the accusation or disturbance.
She regularly belittled me in front of those who did speak english.
Any time I tried to discuss anything with her she would blame me, gaslighting style or become defensive and accuse me of 'screaming' at her, flatly denying anything she had done even when in one instance involving a key, she had the bloody thing in her hand. I promise I did not shout or anything of the sort.
After getting back, she got in touch with a super friendly message inviting me for drinks and to discuss me doing some work for her employer which would have made her life a lot more easy. When I politely said I could not do this, the drinks invitation was not mentioned again.
To be honest I wouldnt want to see her again but feel so anxious and annoyed that a friend of 15 years is clearly so out for what I can offer, help at work way below the going rate which has been really useful to her and her employer, travel companion ( dropped as soon as new people appeared), constant listening to her problems and providing constant personal and professional advice (some of the professional advice actually quite niche and chargeable). I didn't see this before and now I do.
I am not perfect by any means and am sure I was irritating on occasion as happens on most holidays with a friend but I have been nothing but a genuine and supportive friend to this person over the years, including her in family occasions.
I honestly don't see why she turned into such a cow the minute we were 'on her turf'so to speak but I really need to shake this anxiety and upset. Im usually pretty resilient but this has really rattled me. Not really sure what I'm asking but any advice on how to move on?
For background, I am the third close friend who has stopped speaking to her this year. The first was after a holiday (I don't know the friend well or the details as she is adamant she did nothing at all wrong) and the second was after doing some work for her and being treated like shit and as a sounding board for her constant problems, mostly based around conflict with colleagues and housemates. I dont think she has many friends left if I am honest, so feel a bit guilty.
Short version, 'good' friend was a cow on holiday, how do I stop feeling so anxious and upset?