Emotional abuse? Or is that too dramatic?

[Louise000000]

Currently separating from H and really searching into my memories here to make sure I'm making informed choices here.
I'm going back to a time between 2012 and 2016 when my husband smoked weed out a daily basis and I remember hating his moods and temper at this time. Just wrote a wee list of incidents that stand out and I thought I'd put this to the group and ask what the thoughts on emotional abuse were, as I kind of thought that would be more in the category of name calling, manipulation etc

1. one day he came in from work around 8pm, I had put kids to bed and was sweeping the kitchen floor. He came in, walked straight past me, ignoring me, waked straight into our back extention where his brother rents to speak to him. When he does come back in and start taking his jacket off etc I say 'you just walked right past me there and didn't acknowledge me' he gets angry for me saying this and it turns into a row.
2. on an occasion we were with his family he says something I want to question him about it later when we are alone (can't remember what that was no but it's not important ) later in the car I say v calmly "I didn't like earlier on when you said........" he gets angry at me for saying that to him and we argue
3. any time I wanted to have a normal wife type vent just to have a moan or let off a bit of steam about kids etc He got angry and we ended up arguing. This would also happen about me asking could he put his dirty clothes here or dirty socks there ie normal couple type stuff that he would get angry about me mentioning and it would be made alot worse
4. when ever I would start to cry in an argument, you guessed it!! He would get angry at me!! Thinking I was trying to manipulate the situation .
5. one time me and kids were down stairs and he came home and I had a lamp on upstairs and he came in angry about electricity bills and his money 6)he would often re write how something just played out and always make himself seem like Mr reasonable, sometimes this would be laughable how different he made himself sound
6. he would often talk to me in a disparaging tone/ talk down to me. A regular phrase was: 'calm yourself down' in a very sarcastic tone, as if I was unreasonable or over reacting
7. one occasion I was hungry and eating quickly and I can't remember specificly now but he made a comment about my eating and what ever he said made me no longer want to eat ie my stomach went into a knot
8. I was in a v bad car accident when I was pregnant where a man in a van over took a lorry and hit me. He was the only person who said that this was maybe my fault because I wear contact lenses and it was perhaps my eye site. The van driver got done for dangerous driving btw and lost his licence and I got compensation. So blame was not debatable.
9. when we had sex for the 1st time after dd1. Very traumatic for me as I had stitches and a cervical infection from birth, but during it he again used his 'tone' with me in telling me to move over or something and I remember saying 'you are meant to be turning me on here and making me feel comfortable' 11)he would never own something, I mean straight away say 'shit my bad, so sorry" and move on, every thing was debatable and an argument about how this was only my point of view on the said thing

Thoughts?

12. would often hear 'you and your periods' in his disparaging tone, if I was putting something down to me being hormonal

13. on 2 occasions I was hysterically laughing at a facebook meme and he told me to calm down (in said tone) which instantly killed myou buzz! Felt like he was annoyed that I was laughing or something? Weird

My buzz*

I'm not an expert, but what does come across is how assertive you are at saying when you aren't happy with something. He wasn't able to take that on board as other people might. But that is a great trait in you. xxx

Mild EA- sounds like normal arguments and annoyances. But that said if it makes you feel crap make sure you tell him! (Also listen to his side)

This has been my only serious relationship so the only thing I have to base husband's on is how my dad speaks to my mum. And although they have had their major problems, he seems to speak to her as an equal.
Maybe I'm over reacting a bit though. It's hard to convey a tone through writing though if you know what I mean. I've always thought it's not what he's saying to me, it's the way he's saying it!

That is all emotional abuse from him to you. His daily use of weed at that time further served his abusive nature already within him.

Glad to read you are separating from him, I doubt very much that he even listens to you properly now.

Thank you attila I've always appreciated your to the point answers up until now.
Luckily after having a good talk with my mum she is on the same page as me now too and she's had a better picture of what life has been like at times with the weed addiction and his behaviour xx

He sounds awful! I am so sorry. You are right that people in relationships should treat each other with respect and love. Your instincts in relationships sound really good. I am sorry he treated you that way.

'This has been my only serious relationship so the only thing I have to base husband's on is how my dad speaks to my mum. And although they have had their major problems, he seems to speak to her as an equal.'

That's great, you have a good grasp of how you think a relationship should be, and have high standards. That will protet you from wrong'uns- bin him and on to the next if and when you feel the need.

I would hate a weed user- like to think I wouldn't put up with that again.

Thanks everyone ! Interesting hearing everyone's input and it's funny only when looking back you see things for how they really were, in the moment you make excuses !!