Feel rubbish/DH online messaging

[Lampshade12345]

DH has a history of online affairs (no meeting). It all came to a head last Christmas and he promised he'd change, deleted apps etc.

Had my suspicions recently that he was messaging again and saw confirmation of it tonight.

I feel so sad and sick. Only last week I was thinking about how good everything has been, how he's really made an effort, is nicer etc

I don't know what to do, I'm trying hard to just keep my cool but I just feel so shit, I feel like I'll burst into tears at any moment.

No idea what I'm hoping to achieve by posting this, just letting it out I suppose.

@Lampshade12345
Please please please do not believe that you can't leave. You CAN. I was you once. I was scared of being alone, married the wrong man and stayed in that relationship for way too long because I was afraid of letting everyone down and being on my own.
I eventually realised that I only have one shot at life and, bollocks to everyone else, I needed to do what was right for me. It wasn't easy, the first few months were awful, but now 5 years down the line? I'm happy.
I spent a while single and finding out what I needed to make myself smile. I stopped living my life to please others and lived it to please me.
I am with someone else now and it's totally different. This time, that fear of being alone has gone. I know I'm with him because he enhances my happiness, but I don't rely on him to provide it, so if things go wrong I know I can walk away and I'll be just fine.
It really gives you an inner strength and power if you can find it within you to take control of your own life.
Don't go another 10/20 years and then look back and wish you'd done things differently. Take charge now

Oh Lampshade that is heartbreaking. You would feel so much better if you weren't with a man who was abusive. Would you consider calling women's aid? Life is too short to live like this.

Sadly, your H is an arsehole and there’s not a better version of him waiting around the corner. If you are not in the frame of mind to leave him now, what are you prepared to do to get in the frame of mind to leave? No one is going to rescue you and your MH is ultimately your decision.

You can leave him but just like he chooses to to be an arsehole, you are choosing to be a doormat.

You are worth so much more.