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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MIL is really affecting my mental health and no one seems to understand

5 replies

Annao93 · 26/10/2019 18:58

DD is 18 months. MIL was an absolute nightmare throughout the pregnancy and up to DD being a few weeks old. She relentlessly 'competed' with other grandparents, was overbearing and actually made it really hard for me to bond with DD. Soon the novelty wore off and she hardly bothered with us for months, then she fell onto hard times and suddenly had an interest in DD again but everytime she came it was to ask DP if she could borrow money.

DD2 is now due in November. I am absolutely dreading it. MIL lives a 5 min drive away and comes EVERY SINGLE DAY at random times (inbetween shifts or after work etc), I ignore the door if I am home alone but if DP is here he answers.

I feel bad because we do get along besides her overbearingness because we do have things in common, but having to see her every single day I cannot relax in this house. I can't just sit around in my pyjamas in the evening, or have a nice quiet morning without messages asking where I am or what I am doing. I literally cannot take anymore. She doesnt take the hint that I dont want her here all the time, to me its not normal.

I told DP I'm getting a bit sick of it now as she has just rang to say shes "popping in" within the next hour (normally its no notice) and he says if I have a problem i should just say it to her and that shes doing nothing wrong, she just wants to see her grandchild 🙄

Surely this isn't a normal thing to do, once or twice a week i could tolerate but everyday any time of the day, seriously? I feel like I'm on eggshells all the time waiting for her to turn up

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 26/10/2019 19:00

You don’t have a MIL problem. You have a DP problem.

EmperorBallpitine · 26/10/2019 19:02

Actually I think your DP has a point. You have to tell her she needs to come over less. And if she calls to say she's coming over, say Can you not. Sorry I know its hard but if your MH is suffering, you need to set boundaries that work for you. Ask DH to help if you try asking and she doesn't listen.

Hercules12 · 26/10/2019 19:03

No, it's not normal even if she were your own mother. I would approach from being concerned about her as she can't have her own fulfilling life surely.

Blondebakingmumma · 26/10/2019 23:37

Message back that today doesn’t work and ask her if she is free Saturday (or whenever your hubby isn’t at work)

Nc77 · 26/10/2019 23:48

Defo have to make some excuses or say your just having a day with the kids. Suppose it’s hard when your heavily pregnant as well as she will see it as all the more reason to come over and give you a. Hand which is lovey of her but I can imagine how intruding it must be to be every day.

Maybe you should just bite the bullet and text her if you can’t face saying it to her face and just say can you stick to coming over on a Saturday now because I want to just relax and have some me time and before the baby comes and want to spend some 1 on 1 time with my daughter. If she objects or tries to bend the rules just reiterate it again and again until she gets the message

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