Blaming me for being sensitive

[Pumpkinbumpkin04]

Ever since having my DS its become apparent that the environment i was raised in weren't the best. I used to say I wanted a relationship like my parents, now i say the complete opposite.

Today we had a conversation about my sister and she told me that she had slapped her partner so hard it had hurt his neck. She's hit him before and they both argue with each other a lot. I said to my mum i don't it's a healthy environment for my nephew to grow up in. My mum replied "well i used to hit your dad in front of you and it never scarred you".
What she doesn't realise is, it has affected me alot. She's hit my dad, my dad has been physically abusive to her. Both been mentally abusive to each other. Funny thing is no one outside our family knows. They think my parents are great. I told my mum that actually i really hated it and she said to me that i was/am a sensitive person and take things to heart and personally. Could no believe she had said it to me. I stood up for myself and said no i am not and just repeated it. She then changed the subject.
I know i've come along way because just a year ago i would have not stood up to her and stood by how i felt. I also would have doubted my feelings and thought, maybe i am too sensitive. But i know i'm not.
Can you have any relationship with a person like this? Or is it best to try detach?
Sorry for the long post.

anyone?

You probably are sensitive from a childhood of abuse, because for a child witnessing abuse is abuse itself.

Your mum will probably never understand that she has done wrong. But you need to invest in yourself and self care x sending best wishes op

You're right; you are not too sensitive at all. Its actually often a charge levelled at now adult children by their own abusive parents.

Its not your fault your parents are like this and you did not make them that way (btw what if anything do you know about your parents familial backgrounds?. Chances are their own families were also abusive towards them so they have simply repeated what was meted out to them).

I would seriously consider detaching from your parents altogether. Neither were good parents to you when you were growing up and they have not changed. They remain crap examples of grandparents to your child also.

Abusive people also can be very plausible to those in the outside world and abuse too thrives on secrecy. That is also how it has had a hold for so very long.

Contacting NAPAC [https://napac.org.uk/]][ may be helpful to your own self and you may also want to read and or post on the current "well we took you to Stately Homes" thread.

You're not over sensitive, you shouldn'tve seen that. It would probably harm anyone. Hugs xxxxx

@AttilaTheMeerkat its only just come to light in the past couple of years since my grandpa died that my nan is a toxic women who plays my mums siblings off each other. My mum is also the scapegoat in this family so i know where her anger is from. However she could have chosen to sort it and not taken it out on her children and take responsibility for it. My dad grew up in an abusive family. His dad drunk alot and hit my nan and abandoned them when he was young.

But i know you can carry on the abuse cycle or not want to do that. They just chose not to address their issues and put them upon me and my sister.

Another thing i remember today is when we were speaking she was smirking at me ever so slightly. I dont know if she knew she was doing it but when i said to her shes lucky she has a social life and friends and i didnt have she smirked. Like she liked the fact i didnt.

They all sound awful OP. I suspect as you dig into your memories you will remember more and more bad behaviour. Have you read Toxic Families by Susan Forward? I found it very useful. You should feel proud you stood up to your mother today that’s not easy

@comtesse maybe in my counselling i'll dig up some more stuff. No i havent read it, i'll have to give it a read. Thank you

If it's no big deal to her, would they shout and hit each other infront of their friends or colleagues? If not then why? Because they know its horrible for anyone having to watch that. So you're not too sensitive

@gettingabitdesperatenow I know exactly she used to tell me numerous times not to tell anyone what happened. And why's that? Because they knew people would be horrified but me and my sister just had to watch and stay quiet.

If I were in your shoes I'd be giving them all a very wide berth. It isn't acceptable behaviour, and you're not going to open their eyes to it. I wouldn't want my child around those people.

@welcometoshootingstars yes in worried about it on my DS he is only 3 and adores them atm but I worry when he gets his own opinions how they will be. Because when I got mine as a child i was punished and shut down. Told I was back chatting and being rude.
My dad already winds him up and thinks it's funny