Post separation money management

[SweetcornFritter]

Not sure if this is the best section for this but just wanted some advice really. We have been separated for a year but still living together (for the sake of our youngest child) and have not really broached the subject of how our savings and financial matters will be split. Apart from a one hour free consultation with a solicitor I have received no legal advice on this yet. We have a joint account into which his salary is paid (which I have always managed, paying bills etc) but I suspect he has set up a separate account and is diverting some of his salary into it. It’s hard to be sure as his salary is commission based and fluctuates from month to month, it’s just he spends alot of time away from home yet doesn’t seem to be withdrawing much if anything from our joint account. I suppose he’s entitled to do this (I have had my own account for years into which I pay my own self-employed much smaller salary, and which he knows about), it just feels a little bit sneaky of him not to tell me, if this is indeed what he has done. Do I have a right to know? Any thoughts? We want to keep things as amicable as possible but I feel certain that if I bring this up things could get nasty pretty quickly...

What we did was him set up a separate account, we then agreed a set maintenance amount- in our case £1500 a month which he's agreed to pay for the foreseeable future, unless my income increases dramatically (unlikely) or I have a new partner move in in which case we will review ... this includes the kids university maintenance money, they won't ever stay with him (adults). He moved out 7 months after we separated, lives locally. Everything after that was his, he saved for a couple of months before moving out. Having a higher income helps, he's got plenty to rent a place and I'm bizarrely better off (go figure, I guess I know who was spending the money from the joint account!)

We have a spreadsheet with all our essential expenses, budgets for variable expenses like food and petrol, the kids allowances (university) and savings for household emergencies. He will remain on the mortgage and pay half of that plus associated insurance until it is paid off the according to our agreement then transfer it into my name (I don't earn enough for a mortgage).

Hope this gives you ideas, pm me if you want to talk more

Thank you Stucknoue. I guess we need to have the money talk sooner rather than later. You seemed to have approached financial separation in a very clear, efficient and fair way, and I hope we can achieve this too.

I think it’s quite sensible of him to set up a separate account and get some money saved up. As long as he’s lying his share of bills and what not I don’t see a problem with it as you will be going your separate ways soon anyway.

I don’t see a problem with what he has done. He needs to move on at some stage and will need his own £. As long as he pays his fair share into the joint pot.

I don’t have a problem with it either (in principle), it’s just that when he asked me for full disclosure on our joint and my own personal financial situation I was honest and open with him and told him everything, whereas him opening a new account and diverting funds into it feels a little sneaky to me.

You need to keep reminding yourself that he is not your friend or is on your side anymore. Do not give him anymore financial details. You need to make sure that you are now the priority and start sorting things out. Good luck.