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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Have I lost the ability to love or form loving feelings? why am i like this?

10 replies

WalkingRound · 26/10/2019 17:08

I had a few relationships in my twenties which looking back werent quite right but were nice enough. i fell in love twice. i had all the excited feelings of meeting up with someone, first few kisses, i'd spend ages shaving and exfoliating!! i'd be hopeful that i would develop feelings and i did, even if much of it was superficial and only twice was proper love. i could identify with my peers and would be enthusiastic and optimistic.

the point is i felt things. i had feelings.

now? now i meet men and think about the practical side. are they in a decent job? have they got their shit sorted? basically, can i live my life as i want with a nice addition to it. ive worked hard to make sure i dont need anyone to the point where i literally just want someone to have sex with, split a mortgage and make me dinner now and then. im cold about it. i dont care about any feelings along the way. id do the same nice things for and with them if we were "together" but it never gets that far.. no matter how much i am chased, taken out for romantic dinners, have a laugh, feel wanted...i cannot for the life of my form any sort of feelings for anyone.

why has this happened? i can have a wonderful night with someone and feel open to doing it again but i dont actually care whether we do. i just close off.

OP posts:
WalkingRound · 26/10/2019 17:11

and ive met FAR more men dating in my thirties than my twenties so it isnt that ive just not clicked with anyone. i cant seem to get anything off the ground because i lose interest so fast. i just dont care about anyone really. i never used to be like this, i used to be massively loving. the only way i am loving these days is physically...but day to day my heart is cold.

OP posts:
Organicmamahope · 26/10/2019 17:13

Maturity?

WalkingRound · 26/10/2019 17:16

maybe. it feels pretty shit if so!!!

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 26/10/2019 18:27

Have you been let down by men? Cheated on, emotionally abused, talked down to etc? Could you just be a bit jaded from experience?

rvby · 26/10/2019 18:30

Watch this video and take heart op

WalkingRound · 26/10/2019 19:04

thanks. cant imagine having any love type feelings again!!

OP posts:
RhubarbTea · 26/10/2019 19:14

What happened the last time you were in love, OP?

WalkingRound · 26/10/2019 19:25

First time, he moved abroad.

Second time...He ended things out of the blue. It was generally a happy relationship though.

OP posts:
WalkingRound · 26/10/2019 19:26

That should say he moved abroad and I refused to go with him and it ended. We basically wanted different things.

OP posts:
RhubarbTea · 27/10/2019 10:09

If you didn't see your last breakup coming and it was out of the blue, that must have hit you hard. Did it affect you a lot at the time? Did he give reasons for ending things?

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