Said no now I'm being punished

[shas19]

So last night me and my partner had a few drinks all was fine. Told him to be careful of the bottle as it will break, he never listened and kicked the bottle over by accident and it smashed. I cleaned it up but the mood had gone by then and I just wanted to go to bed. So we're in bed and I can feel him touching me and I told him no not tonight. I was tired and honestly just wasn't in the mood no more and wanted to go to sleep. He then told me "you've fucked me off i dont want to be near you tomorrow". All because I said no. Now its shit enough in itself to be made to feel like an object but around this time 5 years ago I was raped and he knows this. Weve spoken today and hes basically told me I'm wrong and hes done nothing wrong and usually we have sex. I told him he was acting disgustingly to then be asked why would i want to be with someone who's disgusting. Am I over reacting? I feel just like I did 5 years ago. Like i have no choice and must be obliged to sleep with him even of I dont want to.

You’re not over reacting. He’s shown so many red flags here, I think you should end the relationship.

He then told me "you've fucked me off i dont want to be near you tomorrow". All because I said no.

The only person whose ever said to me i dont want to be near you turned out to be an emotionally abusive psychopath. When I look back on our relationship I realised that the row when he said that was such an early indicator.

The answer is fine if you dont want to be near me then ill make it so you dont ever have to be and im leaving.

for me thats a real trigger phrase the only time ive ever had anyone say that to me or evern heard it

@MangoSalsa we have two young children. I love him so much but this has made me feel just like the morning after I was raped. I feel vulnerable and almost dirty. Even though he stopped as soon as I said no, is that normal? It's not. I dont know what to say to him when he gets home because I k ke hes going to make out I'm in the wrong

Vile man, get rid of him ASAP.

@Knightinslightlytarnished hes told me I have a problem because he smashed the bottle of drink. No I dont. Of course in was pissed off because I told him about 6 times be careful then i had to clean it up and the mood was gone. Why do i even have to explain myself. I just didn't want to have sex. I'm sitting here in tears reading these replies i didn't realise things were this bad

That is a disgustingly vile thing to say. I wouldn't want someone like that anywhere near me. Even if he's sweetness and light from now on in he's taught you not to say no to him. The one thing you can do to find out who a man is is to say no to them.

Also, and I know this is a small thing, but why did you clear up the bottle he smashed?

@LumpySpacedPrincess this is what I was thinking, now I'm going to feel like I must never say no. Its horrible. Only one person has ever made me feel this shit and I never thought my partner would be able to make me feel the same. As for the bottle I'm very OCD and was worried about glass being left and the kids cutting themselves if any was left

when you say i didnt realise things were this bad thats the problem with abusive relationships

if in the early stages of dating a guy was abusive youd leave. its incremental like the thing about the frog. drop a frog in boiling water it jumps out. put a frog in cold water and slowly turn up the heat it boils alive as it doesnt notice.

i was in an emotionally abusive relationship and can tell you it is a slow burn. your confidence is drained out of you drop by drop and you dont notice until one day you have none and you remember the bright attractive happy social woman you used to be and look at your low confidence miserable 'no man would ever want me its amazing this abuser does' self and you realise you have a big Big problem.

Its shitty but realising there is a problem is the first step in leaving and rehabing your soul.

This is abuse.

Have you had Counselling for this Rape OP ? in your post you're continually blurring the lines in your relationship with this horrid event 5 years ago.

p.s. Your DP sounds like a Prick.

@BumbleBeee69 I didn't no. When people say rPe you imagine being pinned down and screaming by someone you dont know. This person was my neighbour. He spiked my drink and slept with me whilst I was in and out of consciousness. He never got charged with anything and i still see him. What happened last night just took me back to feeling of no choice.

He doesn't come across well, sounds like an entitled dick, but he isn't responsible for the rape 5 years ago and you need to separate the impact of that to this as you're conflating two entirely different situations.

He initiated sex, you said no, he said a nasty remark, Not someone I'd want to be with.

Counselling would help you deal with the past and the present.

@HauntedmessFrogbeaver I didn't say he was responsible as hes not. I said hes made me feel the way I did back then. I just dont know where to go from here

Hello everyone - there's another thread from the OP in Relationships and so we're closing this one.