Complicated. Can you turn a FWB into a friend?

[Knightinslightlytarnished]

Just that really. I had a 'friends with benefit' relationship w a guy who is not interested in commitment. We would get together once every couple of months have dinner or a drink and then sleep together. I haven't seen him for a while but he wants to meet up next week.

Thing is that I actually like him as a person and would like to be proper friends with him. Sort of person I could ring up to go to a gig with or a museum or just hang out with after work over a pint. We have lots of interests in common and I'd prefer to have more regular contact as just a friend rather than sporadic FWB contact. He's an interesting fun educated guy that I enjoy hanging out w.

If I had to choose between the FWB and friends, I would choose friends and want to move it to that

Is this doable or is it impossible? I think that if I suddenly say to him I'm not sleeping with you any more that he'd say fine and Id never see him again.

god Ive read that back and realise it sounds ridiculous. It reads a bit like how can I get to be friends with someone who doesnt want to be friends with me.

Thing is as you get older you meet so few people you click with friendship wise. Id rather have him as a constant life friend than this FWB which will die eventually.

One of my closest friends used to be a FWB. This came after a long period of falling out and not speaking at all though, by which time we'd both moved on and been involved with other people, but realised as mates we get on great and he's now one of my closest confidants.
Tell him what you've wrote here, he may think you're wanting to move into relationship territory but if you make it as clear as you have here that friendship is all you're after then you shouldn't have a problem.

Thats really interesting @leolion81.
actually our present situation isnt that different as we did have a bit of a falling out which is why i havent seen him for a while but im not seeing anyone. maybe i should pretend i am for a short while to get us over the hump? i know lying is not good but as a short term thing?

i think im worried that if i say it that it will become awkward.

also i feel vulnerable that he is only interested in me for sex and he wont be interested in a friendship. i mean he probably thinks he has enough friends why would he want more type thing.

My sometime FWB is also one of my best friends.

We didn't start out that way- I always wanted his friendship most of all, but he wasn't all that keen on me at first.

Did you meet this guy online or something- is that how you went straight to 'F'WB?

My friend and I were friends beforehand, and he always claimed the friendship was the most important thing.

Over the months we've become very close, and see each other very often (pretty much just as friends now, but it moves in and out of being sexual depending on how much I feel the need.)

IDK if you can push it. Instead of outright saying you want to be friends more, which might sound a bit like you're making emotional demands of him and these sort of men/relationships unfortunately don't always thrive on that, you could just invite him to stuff perhaps.

His response will tell you how you should rate him as a person (depending on how you feel about the situation. It might make him go down in your estimations or at least cause you disappointment, if you found he was just 'using' you/solely interested in sex, and the F bit wasn't really of interest to him.

Best wishes. xxx

I’ve got one. My FWB is actually my closest friends.

Sometimes we just hang out and do stuff. Other times we just have sex. We were friends first and I will imagine once the sex stops be just friends again.

@Interestedwoman no we didn't meet on line. we met through work

sorry posted to early -I have over the time Ive known him tried inviting him to stuff and he usually says no on the basis too busy or other commitments which could be true or could be an excuse. when ive done it its always been last minute as in spare ticket for this do you want to come. a couple of times he did say yes but then cancelled last minute. this is all very historic though.

i hated feeling rejected so stopped asking. we would sometimes do none sex stuff but it would always be before sex and only when it was him asking for stuff he wanted to do. he may have said no to me because maybe he thought i was trying to push the fwb into a relationship.

in fact now i think about it whenever we met up it to do nonsex stuff it was always on his terms.

its all a long time ago though.