Said no now I'm being punished

[shas19]

So last night me and my partner had a few drinks all was fine. Told him to be careful of the bottle as it will break, he never listened and kicked the bottle over by accident and it smashed. I cleaned it up but the mood had gone by then and I just wanted to go to bed. So we're in bed and I can feel him touching me and I told him no not tonight. I was tired and honestly just wasn't in the mood no more and wanted to go to sleep. He then told me "you've fucked me off i dont want to be near you tomorrow". All because I said no. Now its shit enough in itself to be made to feel like an object but around this time 5 years ago I was raped and he knows this. Weve spoken today and hes basically told me I'm wrong and hes done nothing wrong and usually we have sex. I told him he was acting disgustingly to then be asked why would i want to be with someone who's disgusting. Am I over reacting? I feel just like I did 5 years ago. Like i have no choice and must be obliged to sleep with him even of I dont want to.

He sounds horrible, and isn't setting a good example for your children.

You deserve better than this. Is there anyone else you can stay with?

Leave him, leave him, leave him. Don't let your son grow up thinking this is how women should be treated.

Start getting a plan together. Your kids need a better role model in their life and you deserve a loving and respectful relationship. I'm so sorry you're in this position.

I wouldn't even know what to say to womens aid. I feel like I'm being stupid then I feel like I'm not. Such a mess. I just keep thinking if this was my daughter saying this to me I'd be mortified. As for his mum shes very much aware of what he can be like and I wouldn't even expect her to pick sides, that's not what it's about.

You aren't being stupid though. He treated you like shit and then gaslighted you and now he is ignoring you to further make you feel like
you had no right to deny him sex. He's a nasty bully. And now you know.

Tell his mum. And start thinking about your next steps for moving out with your little ones. Yes it might seem impossible, but it isn't. You just have to put your thinking cap on. Certainly speak to womens aid for practical advice. They aren't sat there thinking 'oh this person isn't being abused half as much as the person I just spoke to', they are there to help all woman going though all abuse.

Start looking into things like benefits you are entitled to as well, should you move out.

You can do it op, just take it a bit at a time.

Hes literally sat next to me on the sofa ignoring me. Wont even look at me. Every argument we have this tends to happen. Either that or ill end up apologising god knows why. When did I become so pathetic jesus christ.

sounds so pathetic but without him I'm lost

That is not pathetic OP, it is a sign of emotional abuse, it is emotional abuse you are experiencing and the easiest way to keep you trapped in that relationship is to make you scared of what is outside of that relationship, that is why you feel lost without him, that is the purpose of his actions to make you feel unsure and incapable. Do you have anyone in your life that you can talk to in confidence, not a mutual friend of family member, someone that will support you only.

People often make the mistake of taking to someone who then speaks with the abuser to let them know they are at risk of loosing their partner and family, all this does is amp up the abuse not set the abuser straight, you need to protect yourself and the DC above all else.

*losing even, typing to fast.

You just tell womens aid what you've shared with us. He sounds very childish, how old are you both. You can manage without him, can his mum tell him to grow up and stop behaving like a tantrum toddler, any chance you stay there and he leaves. Would you feel able to get back in touch with your own family.

You would be better off without him. He is abusing you.

"you've fucked me off i dont want to be near you tomorrow".

Well, did he not fuck you off when he didn't bloody listen to you about the bottle????