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Did I choose the right guy

7 replies

est1988 · 26/10/2019 07:10

I met a guy online a few months ago. We had chatted for a few months before we met up. Immediately I fancied him and we had a good time. However after a few weeks he started to be really flaky, cancelling plans, not texting back, telling little lies. Eg he went abroad to a wedding with his ex girlfriend but didn't tell me about her being there - I just recognised her in the background of some pics he sent. He wouldn't let me follow him on insta etc. When he refused to commit to any plans I finished it and he said he didn't want a relationship.

Another thing annoying me with this guy is that I started to get suspicious he just wanted sex.
All conversations lead back to it and he never stayed over, just had sex then left. When I called him out on it he got defensive.

He went abroad with work straight after and I started seeing someone else. The new guy is kind, funny, independent and has never left me in any doubt over his intentions. I know that he truly likes me for who I am and not just sex. We have a great time together and have been away on trips, always have longer term plans.

This week the first guy has been back in touch saying he thinks he made a mistake and that he doesn't want to be my friend. He wants to start seeing me again. Problem is a few weeks ago this was what I wanted but now my thoughts have shifted and I realised I don't like the fact he wasn't sure about me until I wasn't available. He hasn't been apologising or going out of his way to show me he's sorry; he said he wanted to hang out and get food and 'have sex' which I just find weird as if I was trying to get together with someone I wouldn't be mentioning this.

I basically told him to go away and that he's missed his chance now. Have I done the
right thing?

I possibly don't feel the same sexual chemistry with the new guy but I just feel really happy and secure in the relationship.

OP posts:
Skipsaretheanswertoitall · 26/10/2019 07:19

I would say you have definitely done the right thing! Tell him he is too late. It sounds as if you have someone who thinks more of you than he did, don’t look back! Smile

FizzyPink · 26/10/2019 07:19

I’ve been where you are OP, twice actually and a few years ago I probably would have gone for the exciting sexual connection guy but there’s nothing to be gained from it.
As soon as he gets what he wants he’ll do exactly the same thing again and you’ll be left with nothing. There’s a lot to be said for kind, safe and dependable.

est1988 · 26/10/2019 07:22

That's not to say I don't fancy the new guy, I do. It's just maybe been more of a slow burner.

OP posts:
ExcitedForFuture · 26/10/2019 09:51

You've definitely made the right choice. First guy is just dicking you around amd had realised he doesn't have sex on tap anymore and is trying to get that back.

balonzz · 26/10/2019 09:55

I suspect that the girlfriend of the first guy would be very surprised to hear that he had been dating someone else. I don't think the first guy ever split up with his 'ex'

leolion81 · 26/10/2019 09:59

I can't believe you even need to ask this question.
First guy was unlikely to have been single when he was seeing you. He was either still with the ex, or seeing other women. Those options have probably left him, so now he's tapping up the reliable one who he thinks won't say no. Don't be an option to this sleaze for gods sake. He doesn't miss you he just wants an easy shag.

scoobydoo1971 · 26/10/2019 10:08

First guy thinks you are FWB and nothing more. You are an ego boost sexual encounter on a dull day. Plenty of his type online looking for their next conquest. Never going to make you happy in the long run, unfortunately. He even asks for sex as his chat up line. He does that to make it plain that he doesn't even respect you. If he did, then it would be dates out, fancy plans and old fashioned courtship...but no, Mr Romeo goes for 'fancy a shag?'...of course, if you settle for such a low offer then you have only got yourself to blame when it goes badly wrong.

Second guy sounds like a nice man...just not for you. You wouldn't even contemplate the player above if he was. You write about how he likes you and does nice gestures for you. You don't write that he excites you and makes you feel amazing...its ok to be single and not date anyone while waiting for the right person to come along.

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