I had a relationship with a man who was married but lied about it. Before I found out about it I fell in love - seriously - I thought this was my future. Obviously I ended it as soon as I found out. Due to a combination of bad luck and coincidences, I work in his outer spheres and see him socially occassionally. I have since found out he is a serial cheater - several women in a mini-harem by the sound of it at any given time.
Last night I was at a party he was there and he was flirting really seriously with three different women- all were very attractive but one of them who was young was stunning - really attractive I think he was angling to go home with. This event and where he was staying in a different city from his wife.
I was watching him (honestly I'm still getting over him and still look at him with love) and listening to him and thought even if he was free I could never marry him because he would be always cheating.
As I watched him though, I realised that I was looking at this beautiful young woman he was flirting with and thought, no wonder he wasn't interestd in me and I wasn't enough for him- the whole world is full of women who are younger and beautiful.
I realised also almost in a shocking instant revelation that I didn't just feel like that about him - I felt like that about all men.
That no one would ever find me attractive and if they did, they would always be out at party's whenever I wasn't there flirting with someone better than me and working towards getting the better person into bed.
I never used to feel like this and Im not sure how it happened. How do I get passed this? I feel so frightened that I will ultimately be passed over for someone better Im scared of men and dating.
I understand that if you get to the point where you both love each other and your bf is behaving as if he's really into you you could trust him - but how do you even get to that point in the first place?
I feel so gross and unattractive like no one would ever want me.