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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need to talk...

10 replies

ithinkimintrouble · 25/10/2019 16:57

NC for this.

I really don't know what I'm looking for here but I need to put this out of my chest and can't with anyone in RL.

I'm married and have 2 kids. Very happy marriage, no problems whatsoever. Husband is lovely, takes care of all of us, sex life is very active and hot. No money issues. Nothing wrong, really. We've been together for 17 years and are incredible compatible in all areas and I've always thoughts I was so lucky to have found my soul mate, who I'm going to grow old with.

I spent 2 years as a full time mum, put a break on my career so to take care of the kids when they were very young. I went back to work this year, and I feel great and myself again.

The problem is what I could never ever imagine could happen. I feel I'm developing feelings for a work colleague. I can't even believe I'm writing this down. He's my manager, we work very close together and I have no idea how this happened but I get this teenager feeling when I look into his eyes, I feel nervous, I have an almost uncontrollable urge of been close to him, I look at his hands and I want to hold it! If he looks into my eyes or smile to me I feel my knees weak...

He's also in a relationship, not married and I've no idea for how long.

In person we keep things cool and professional, but sometimes ours eyes meet in the middle of a conversation and I feel trapped and I can see the way he keeps his eyes into mine too, I'm sure is not just me...

We work a lot remotely and when we talk to each other by text is when he seems to have the guts to keep things a bit more dubious iykwim. He compliments me...he's kind above normal, he plays cool, he says things that I can see could have been said more straight and professional but he decides to say them in manner that leaves it open...generates doubt, you know how? I see the way he looks at me if we are alone, and it's not cold professional...and he's dead cold and distant with other ppl, but not me.

Sometimes I think I'm imagining all this and it's all in my head, I've managed to put this aside many times, but then it ends up coming back when I see a sign. I can't stop thinking about been together with him. I've even kissed my husband one day and it was him who came into my mind. I felt sick to my stomach and a horrible person.

I genuinely love my job, it took me ages to find the right one, and I don't want o leave. I also can't think about the option of destroying my family and the solid relationship I've built with my husband.

I'm very lost and don't know what to do. I don't even know what I want from this post...I don't understand what's happening to me, really don't.

Please talk sense to me.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 25/10/2019 17:01

It's just a crush...he leaves his pants and socks on the floor just like the rest of them.

Now, appreciate your lovely family and husband and don't risk what you have.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/10/2019 17:03

Just because you have a lovely marriage and a happy life doesn't mean you can't develop a crush on someone. You're only human, after all. Fantasizing about another man, even during sex, is completely normal and harmless. Stop beating yourself up for emotions all people experience. All this is is a crush. It is based on fantasy, probably spurred on by changing hormones. Have a laugh about it, give your head a gentle wobble, and move forward. This silly crush will pass.

Interestedwoman · 25/10/2019 17:04

It's up to you if you act on this- you are in control of your actions.

If you're genuinely happy with your DH, leave it as a fantasy. Most people have fantasies of some kind.

I would stop with the more flirty or whatever tone via text. If you keep it formal, he will take the cue and do the same.

ithinkimintrouble · 26/10/2019 16:04

Thank you for the replies. I'm feeling a bit better now, and yes, really looks like a crush, but I'd say is a damn big one...

I've never felt anything like this towards anyone else, ever, in 17 years I'm with my husband. Maybe that's why I feel so worried about it. It'll hopefully go away at some point. I can only hope...

OP posts:
AllyBamma · 26/10/2019 16:27

Agreed that it sounds like a whopper of a crush BUT just be careful. You need to be extremely aware you don’t stray into emotional affair territory and jeopardise the lovely life you have. In weak moment just imagine your husband finding out and what the fallout would be like.
I think you need to have a long hard look in the mirror and decide if you are capable of carrying just a purely professional relationship with this man at work and if not, seriously think about changing jobs. I know that would be a huge deal but it’s not worth losing everything you have is it? Good luck

stucknoue · 26/10/2019 17:13

I do suggest you look to change jobs if it continues. It is common to have a little crush but usually it only lasts a short time.

ithinkimintrouble · 26/10/2019 17:51

The thought of having my husband finding this out is crushing me inside...maybe this all I needed to read/hear to shake this off...thank you SO much!!!

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 26/10/2019 17:57

Imagine you’re DH reading those texts! He would devastated.

Transpeaked · 26/10/2019 18:02

I’d be thinking about moving jobs. At the end of the day, if anything happens you’ll hurt a lot of people, including yourself....and he’ll probably come out of it smelling like roses.

SusieOwl4 · 26/10/2019 18:19

I too think it is just a crush - probably made more exciting because deep down you know you don't want to ruin your marriage so you wont do anything. Its just a fantasy that's a bit close to home . Just keep things as professional as possible.

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