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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I had a lucky escape here, didn't I ?

18 replies

French8312 · 25/10/2019 07:55

I was talking for a couple of days to a guy through OLD. He sounded insecure as he asked my height, I said 5'7 and he said he was 5'8 in turn. Then he was saying "I bet you want someone really tall don't you." 🙄

Apart from that he seemed interesting and funny so I continued chatting to him and we planned a date.

Then, he started getting weird. We were talking about food we loved and then he said how I shouldn't eat too much of X food in order to 'keep myself slim'. (i'm a size 6).

Then, we were talking about what we could do for our first date and he was saying "we could go back to mine after"..

The final straw came when he realised I lived about 30 miles from him. He told me that if I didn't move to Manchester (closest big city) that we could 'never be together'.

We had NEVER even met.

I kindly told him the next day in a polite way that I didn't think the date was a good idea, but I hoped he would meet someone etc.
He said 'oh stop it, stop it with your pleasantries !! " and launched into a tirade of abuse.
I blocked him and I hadnt even needed to explain my decision to him, I could have just blocked him initially.

Looking back, he was scary and I' m not saying he definitely was, but I feel like someone like him could have had the potential to be abusive and dangerous.

Anyone else had scary experiences through OLD ? That wasnt normal behaviour from him was it ?

OP posts:

quincejamplease · 25/10/2019 07:57

If you need to ask if that was normal behaviour I don't think it's safe for you to be OLD.

Bananalanacake · 25/10/2019 08:02

as soon as he said that about keeping yourself slim I would have slammed the phone down. no fucking man has the right to say ANYTHING about your weight.

GertrudeCB · 25/10/2019 08:03

So far from normal behaviour

SabineUndine · 25/10/2019 08:15

I hope you reported him for the tirade of abuse.

wishywashy6 · 25/10/2019 08:16

Not normal no, but unfortunately all too common on OLD.
Learn to spot the red flags very early on (slim comment would have meant no further response from me) and filter out the wankers

AuntyElle · 25/10/2019 08:19

Definitely report him to the site. The more women who do that the harder it will be for him to carry on being abusive on OLD sites without consequences.

Original poster

French8312 · 25/10/2019 08:59

Yes you guys are right, he definitely needs reporting ! I will as he could be trying it on someone else now :/ problem is he might be doing it on other sites too.

OP posts:

BlondeBarnOwl · 25/10/2019 09:04

Plenty of them on online dating

Remember you owe nobody a reply on there and as @wishywashy6 says learn to spot the red flags earlier, and dont waste time replying to absolute idiots like this.

Sunflowersok · 25/10/2019 09:06

Social dating sites are rife with them. Keep your standards high OP!

Gemma1971 · 25/10/2019 09:08

"... problem is he might be doing it on other sites too."

With all due respect, that is not your problem. You can't save everyone and many other women will have the boundaries in place and would not continue contact with someone who said this kind of thing.

"Looking back, he was scary and I' m not saying he definitely was, but I feel like someone like him could have had the potential to be abusive and dangerous."

He did not have the potential, he WAS abusive. Read back through your post again.

As for having a lucky escape, you are an adult woman with choices. Dating is not about escaping someone's clutches, it is about making choices based on the information presented to us by the other person, the "vibe" and chemistry we feel, the common interests we share and how we feel when we spend time with that person.

Seems like you made the correct choice. At the very least, this man is controlling and definitely a weirdo. The 30 miles thing is ridiculous. But most of the stuff he said was designed to push your buttons and test your boundaries, to see how far you were prepared to go for him and comply with HIM BEFORE even meeting him...

So call it a lucky escape. A lucky escape in my book is not having a bad accident. Mmmm... He had car crash written all over him, admittedly.

MozzchopsThirty · 25/10/2019 09:19

Yes you had a lucky escape

PP right, keep your standards high

I do not miss the hideousness of OLD
I would never do it again

wishywashy6 · 25/10/2019 09:22

Wouldn't get too upset over it, he won't be the only manchild who can't handle rejection that you come across on there!
He may well have the potential to be abusive/ controlling but I'd actually say it's more likely is that he's just another little prick looking for an ego boost and when you didn't give him it by falling at his feet, he threw his toys out of the pram.
In the early days of OLD I met a few guys for dates who I soon learned I shouldn't have but, while from their messages there were similar red flags to what you describe, in person they were nervous, boring, weak little boys who obviously were best left behind the keyboard.
I took it all as a learning curve and learnt very quickly who to filter out!
You should join the dating thread on here - it was so helpful to me and I made some lovely friends through it!

Good luck!

Glitterb · 25/10/2019 10:27

OLD is rife with people like this (men and women!)
I once had a man judge me on the size of my boobs and say they were utterly disgusting (well I’m sorry, Mr perfect!)

You were right to block him and get rid, unfortunately it will not stop him!

Groovinpeanut · 25/10/2019 13:33

There certainly are some bizarre people when you delve in to the world of OLD. I tried it for a while, it was interesting to say the least. I got talking to what seemed a nice rational kind of guy. All was going great until I just happened to mention I had just put a new plug on to an appliance. Well it was like I'd committed the most heinous crime against mankind he launched into this tirade of crap stating I was obviously one of these 'strong independent bra burners' it went on and on how I was obviously too independent to need a man in my life and would end up a lonely old woman living with cats for company . I read his rant and had a good old chuckle, and blocked him

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 25/10/2019 13:39

I wouldn’t of even told him, in a polite way. You have a block button for a reason. Just block the weirdo, why do women feel the need to explain and always in a “polite” way ?

Of course he was strange, I don’t think his any great loss.......

Asta19 · 25/10/2019 16:25

I remember once talking to a guy who seemed nice at first. Then he starts saying that he doesn't really like partners going out without him. So I said I regularly had girlie nights with my friends. To which he said "well I could come along, I won't get in the way, I'll just sit in the corner" Can you imagine?? Another thing he said was that he wanted to take me to the hairdressers and choose a style/colour for me! I blocked him pretty quickly! Just say "phew" and move on!

welshladywhois40 · 25/10/2019 17:29

For me it was pictures! I was chatting to someone who asked me to send more pictures - I already had 4 online. I think he was after more x rates pictures as he kept trying to tell me it is very normal to exchange more of those photos before meeting.

No way! Or maybe I am just old for OLD

Original poster

French8312 · 25/10/2019 19:27

Wow some of these stories are mental ! We should definitely all keep our standards high. It is worrying what some folk are capable of.
I've also been asked for extra photos, then when I didn't right away, he got really pushy about it.
Also, he asked how long I had been single and I said 3 months. He said 'oh, youre getting back into it quite quickly aren't you' 🙄

OP posts:

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