DH and I have been married for 4 years and have a DS 21 months.
DH has always had a bit of a temper but things became awful when I told him I was pregnant with DS. I would say it is abusive in that it is verbal. Shouty, sweary, lots of vile things being said but also he would throw and break things. I do feel on edge around him and hate coming home to him. I phoned the police once a year or so ago but they weren't helpful at all.
He doesn't help financially or practically with DS. He isn't a good dad. Doesn't do much around the house. He would criticise me for not being affectionate, not cooking etc but I do everything else so I'm tired but I have also lost a lot of respect for him and don't want to do those things. I can't forget what he says and does during his tantrums and the number of times he has wished me dead. Anyway, I don't enjoy his company, I resent working hard at everything when he doesn't and I just want him out and for him to be out before he becomes a bad role model to DH. He is lazy and doesn't even work full time and his work is seasonal. He has agreed to move out and is looking at places.
My problem is that although I want this, I feel so guilty that it is eating me up. He has brought this on himself I know but I can't stop crying about the situation he will be in as I care for him. As it stands he will end up renting a rubbish place while I will stay in the house. He will get his share but he earns so little he can't get a mortgage. His wages won't cover his rent and outgoing so he will use the inheritance he has to top up monthly but that won't last forever. He will need to give up his car and any luxuries whereas my life won't change as he is paying peanuts by way of contribution anyway.
Tactically if I stay with him longer I will be screwed as he will get more from the house which will force a sale and my salary will go up, I will have no nursery fees and could have to pay him maintenance.
Please help me get over this. My fear of ruining his life is going to probably make me change my mind which isn't right for me or DS in the long run.