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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Plagued with guilt and shame but not sure why

5 replies

laraloops · 24/10/2019 22:13

Hi, I know this might sound utterly bizarre if you can’t relate to it but I just wonder if anybody else ever experiences this. Throughout my relationship (5+ years) but more recently I keep having strong feelings of guilt like I’ve had an affair, although I categorically have not. I feel that if DP saw video footage of our entire relationship he’d hate me and I start to feel hot and sweaty remembering certain things, like FB messaging a boy I used to fancy (wasn’t a flirty convo), or remembering a conversation I had whilst drunk at a work party which I fear might have been too flirty. Also I went out to dinner with a friend recently and we both discussed feeling scared we had settled down too young and it’s strange that we’ve never ‘dated’ and there’s a part of us that is curious... I worry that if he knew of this conversation he’d hate me. I also panic at the idea that I’m not emotionally strong enough to resist other people trying to chip away at me and get into my head with their suggestions... basically I’m having an anxious spiral and it’s making me want to say to DP please just leave me, I need to be on my own, I need to check into some sort of healing programme to be a better person and until then I can’t face any sort of human relationship with anyone. I feel everything is sullied and I’m just awful. Sorry I know this reads as confused, I just want to know that I’m not alone

OP posts:
laraloops · 25/10/2019 07:05

Anyone? I woke up today with a terrible weight on my shoulders and a feeling of panic but it’s like I’ve done something and can’t remember what

OP posts:
SeaSidePebbles · 25/10/2019 07:07

It sounds like you have anxiety.
How is your relationship otherwise?

Windmillwhirl · 25/10/2019 07:10

Hi op, that sounds really difficult. Could you possibly be projecting your uncertainty about settling down young on him? Are you more afraid of what you may do rather than what you haven't actually done, i.e. nothing, but punishing yourself nonetheless.

Would you consider therapy to talk this through to get to the bottom of it?

Bufferingkisses · 25/10/2019 07:11

Didn't want to read and run although I'm not sure how much help I can be. Have you spoken to your GP? It really sounds like you're right and you're in an anxiety spiral. I know I struggle sometimes with overthinking conversations I've had or "did I make a fool of myself at that party" type stuff but it sounds like you are having a far more extreme problem. I would honestly suggest getting some support Flowers

Levithecat · 25/10/2019 07:27

This really sounds like when I had bad anxiety - I would wake up feeling such a weight and panic, sometimes I would just wake up crying...
I don’t think this is about your relationship, but your mental health. Would you consider going to the docs?

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