Evening all,
I’m looking for some advice on how to build my confidence.
A while back I separated from my partner, with whom I share a 3 year old. Pretty much as soon as my lo was born he became controlling, manipulative and abusive. This experience has made me doubt my instincts and taste in men beyond belief as I cannot, for the sake of my children and my mental health, go through anything similar again.
Aside from the above, I am also beyond body conscious after 2 sections, the last of which left me with a very prominent overhang on my relatively petite frame. The thought of being intimate with someone actually terrifies me to the point I fear allowing anyone to become interested in me for fear of me liking them back.
Overall, with a combination of both issues I feel like I am resigned to spend my life alone which makes me sad. I’m still young, in my early 30’s, am in the middle of building a new career and am trying one step at a time to build my life from scratch. I have recently met someone pretty much by accident which I was trying desperately to avoid, but it has happened and he is very keen to get to know me better etc. Part of me says enjoy and have fun but then the parts about being naked with someone again or allowing them into my life emotionally is both equally as terrifying.
I also feel I don’t have enough to offer; he is financially stable, a little older and owns his own home. He has no children and so the effects on my body after my children makes me think he may be put off and the rejection would really knock me back further. I don’t feel I have enough to offer back; two children, work part time because I’m a mature student and waiting to be rehoused. I suppose I feel rather intimidated and wonder what the hell he would see in me. I don’t socialise a great deal and so I worry that maybe I’m overthinking things or this is my intuition telling me to stay away.
Has anyone felt like this when moving on? Advice please 😔