First birthday together

[Thetirednessisreal]

I cannot tell if I am being ungrateful according to OH I am.

We have been living together since June- his bday was in Feb we’d been together three months and I brought him to a fancy hotel for an overnight stay drinks in the city dinner and got him a clothes voucher.

My birthday today and he got me a charm, a candle and primark pjs. Nice presents but more mumsy than girlfriend. And I would get it if he didn’t ‘do bdays’ but I know that he brought his ex gf to a spa break for hers and they had only been together a few months at the time.

This morning I thanked him for the presents and was rushing to work and he said you’re so ungrateful and he kept saying it over and over. I was really in a rush for work.

When I got to work I text him and said I was upset at how he had reacted this morning and that yes there was a part of me upset that he didn’t do for me anything near what he did for his ex.

Well he lost it said I was an arse hole and that I annoyed him and that he thought the presents were nice. There was a few back and forth texts from us both I didn’t get into name
Calling I just reiterated that I was upset

(Background my exh never celebrated my birthday he used to bank transfer me money to keep me happy yet his new gf their first bday together he whisked
Her off to Barcelona for a long weekend so I have this feeling that I am not good enough)

OH has now over text broke up with me
He said he is unhappy and doesn’t see how we can get better. Just feeling shit now.

Should I have just sucked it up and said nothing?

Well if you'd sucked it up and said nothing, you would carry on getting presents you weren't happy with for the rest of your relationship. Tbh though he was already calling you ungrateful before you'd said that you were upset about what he'd got you. He was clearly expecting you to be gushing about how over the moon you are with such amazing gifts, and when you didn't he flipped his lid.
Think it might be a lucky escape to be honest!

He’s not your OH, he’s your live in Bf of a few months and he’s a right arsehole. Not just the present, it’s everything .

You are well rid. Be glad he dumped you as it’s saved you the bother.

Set higher standards next time. You deserve someone who Reciprocates your kindness and generosity.

He doesn't sound very nice. If he's going to blow up like that every time you say you're feeling upset about something then I think you really have had a lucky escape. I think his mask slipped that morning x

I get it that some people don’t really care about birthdays but I know that he has celebrated birthdays for his other gfs so it’s just like it’s me
He didn’t think the need was there iyswim. That’s what has hurt me

Yes it is hurtful that you feel he did more for his ex.

But it is also awful that he didn't allow you to express your feelings with name calling and dumping you! I too think you have had a lucky escape from a nasty man.

Would it have been any better for him to have taken you to a spa? Surely that would be worse - unless you really really like spa days then he’d just be giving you the bog standard birthday present he gets all his girlfriends. The gifts you got seem more personal (I’m presuming you collect charms / have a bracelet, it would be weird if you don’t granted.)

His reaction wasn’t on and was pretty childish - but if he thought he’d picked okay and gotten something quite nice and it was obvious you thought it wasn’t enough, that would be hurtful.

I have a charm bracelet (unwanted present) but I don’t wear it I don’t like jewellery I asked for the pjs and the candle is a really sickingly sweet one which I would never burn

Regardless of the present issue (they are underwhelming imo) how bloody awful he sounds, reacting that way to a perfectly normal response to gifts -a thank you and on with your day- and the resorting to abuse, name calling and dumping you (?!). He’s nasty op and he’s done you a favour showing his true colours so early.

Is it possible that you have looked into it more than you usually would because of what your ex did?

Your ex took his new girlfriend off to Barcelona but used to just bank transfer you money. Now you're with someone new you've got yourself a bit worked up about your presents, hoping this time you'd be the new girlfriend who got better presents than the ex?

He hasn't reacted well to you being upset. However what if he couldn't afford anything extravagant at the moment, or maybe he's booked something as a surprise in the near future.

Don't swap a crap ex-husband for a crap boyfriend. Get yourself someone who is caring, thoughtful and generous. You are those things after all.

I think he did it deliberately as a sort of 'negging' thing, because toxic people love to spoil special occasions. So he made sure you knew about what he did with his ex then knowingly bought gifts that were nice, but not special. that way if you said you were disappointed in them, he could make out how ungrateful you were to you and everyone else. But then you went and spoiled it by saying thank you!

But even if you'd gushed over them, he'd have found a reason to finish with you on your birthday because that is what toxic people do.

He'll come back when he fancies a leg-over and he thinks you've forgotten what a complete and utter asshole he is.

Don't ever forget, and don't entertain him for one second.

This man is not your boyfriend. Huge warning signs and the fact your ignoring them is very concerning.

I’m just very shocked at him and feel like crap now

Why are you comparing what they’ve bought you to what they bought for there ex’s? And how do you even know what presents they got there ex’s. Who the hell knows that info 😂. I’ve never once asked or cared what my husband got his ex girlfriends.
I think your over thinking the present thing and you do sound ungrateful.
Your boyfriend doesn’t sound that nice aswell by calling you an arsehole.

Complete overreaction from him but I'm with previous poster, you sound very ungrateful and it's weird that you know what he bought for his previous girlfriends birthday, and are comparing

I didn’t ask I was told by him