Checking out.

[Ohnoherewego62]

Has anyone ever done this and learned to check back in?

I have literally no idea what you are talking about.
Could you explain a bit more?

Haha sorry!

In a relationship for 4 years and feel like I've checked out. Children involved. Lots of ups and downs etc kinda like a dissociation feeling towards our relationship.

No. Once I'd checked out, I was out. I always think it's a sign that you are done tbh.

Same as pp. There was absolutely no way back for me once I'd checked out. It was the beginning of the end. Hope you're ok OP.

Not been as long as 4 years, but when I'm out I am out. I am usually out before I have even raised it with partner.

I was a bit confused too. Thought you were thinking about ending it all, and wondering if you could change your mind afterwards!

It really depends why you have checked out.
What were the downs?
Do you love him at all?
Is there any spark left?
If not then no, there is little hope of bringing this back.
Have you had joint counselling to see if it can be fixed?

Yes, I checked out, had a crazy crush on someone else( which I did not try to realise) which took up endless mind space. Felt completely done, wished he would find someone else.

Then after a few months I sort out f woke up, saw what a jewel of a man he was, how our family and home was a real gift, and made up my mind to put myself back in.
It was tough, I had some therapy, but that was 8 years ago and I’m happy and in love again. We got married last summer and it don’t want to be anywhere else.

Thank you for your responses!

Lack of a spark absolutely, both work and are knackered! Suppose its usual couple things. Some days are better than others.

Theres noone else! We have discussed it and kind of feel the same. The downs were not making time for each other, loss of intimacy etc so it could just be a rut! Talking leads to one party getting defensive at the minute. Just feels like we've lost each other and dont see the other person if that makes sense!

Maybe I just need some ideas how to get out of it

Once I’d checked out it was dead. I don’t know of anyone who’s made it back to a decent relationship at that point.

Two people both working and having children is normal, not a reason for your relationship to die through neglect.

Defensiveness is bad news. Is it you or the other person?

Checking out often is a defense mechanism to detach from the things that hurt us or we're not happy about. You can definitely check yourself back in. But only if you actually want to. The spark and intimacy wont fix itself in a day but if you think your relatiosnhip is worth it you can always try. Sounds like youre in a rut. No big red flags just crap day to day living.