Hello mumsnet,
This is my first post, I apologies in advance for all the crying on this post, but I am seeking to understand the situation from different perspective, hopefully to see some sense in this all.
I love my husband dearly, but I feel, I am alone in this marriage. We have been married for 6.5 years now, and been together nearly 10 years.
Last week, we were doing some financial planning, and my husband had asked me to do something specific 3 years ago, and I didn’t. What I did not realise then, is that it affects our next decisions now - a potential house move. I realise the consequence of it is really bad, and we now have to delay the potential move. I do feel very bad about it and willing to correct, make amends whatever it takes.
Husband is however not talking to me, not eating at home for the last few days. I normally drop him and pick to train station every morning/evening, since the disappointment, he makes his own way. There is no communication either. I initiated a couple of times, responses were yes and no, so I thought giving him time is the best at the moment.
My problem is I am in between IVF, I have a transfer next week, and this whole situation is killing me. I am willing to talk it through, but I do not know what to say, and I feel saying sorry is not enough. So, at a loss to communicate to sort this through.
What I am also feeling is my husband is acting this way for something I did not do 3 years ago, and not taking into account the present moment - this IVF. Our current house is not bad, and can live a few more years in this house, I do not see it as a big problem.
I feel lonely as I was hoping he will put this behind, and treat me better, not give me silent treatment when I am taking hormonal medicines. Moreover, we spent 5 years renovating this house, he has been renovating a small bathroom in our house for the last 7 months - DIY, and I have been putting up with it. The house itself is a tip most of the time because he is DIY’ing all the time,and i gave up. He loves doing every task himself to perfection. I spent every day last few weeks decluttering, doing dump runs, cleaning, clearing in preparation for my transfer - all on my own. He spoke a lot on what we should do, but the actual work itself has been minimal. He is in a full time job to be fair, so I try and put up and not pressure him about things, but now, with this situ, it’s all getting a bit too much for me. I suffered 7 early miscarriages in the past years, a failed IVF, family problems. I feel, he is my pillar regardless of his quirks not helping in everyday household, being bossy, authoritative and the educator in our relationship. I can put up with that.
But then when I dedicated so much of my energy and time and everything for him, am I wrong to expect a better treat at least at this stage of my life.
May be I need counselling, he does too.
I told him we should talk about this and re-think where is this marriage going if he continues to give me silent treatment, he told me, you have to leave now then ! I said, yes, I would leave, but now is not good. Then he said, you started this subject first.
I don’t know anymore…should i take the courage to leave or what should i do - i am at a loss.
I hope this is only temporary, but then he gave a silent treatment on the 1st day of January this year for a week, and the disagreement last nearly 5 months, before time itself sorted things out. I felt at that point, I was not his priority in his life. I had just suffered a miscarriage then, and now IVF no.2 is next, he just made it clear, I am not his priority.
Thank you for sharing truely what you think, and I should consider doing next.