Finally left him! Turned out he cheated

[Whatadooo]

confused, was i being a drama queen all along? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3701143-confused-was-i-being-a-drama-queen-all-along

There should be another post too my original... sick of accusations

Well after a long 2 years of putting up with emotional abuse, cohesive control and all my self confidence going down the drain.

This morning I had to use his phone while he was asleep to ring the doctors, he purposely made sure it was dead as he thought I'd leave it, I put it on charge and low and behold there are messages to other girls asking to meet, telling them their stunning, beautiful, I'll give you a massage, telling them what he's been doing with MY son while I was at a psychic reading with my sister.

He told he girls he loves with his ex but is not with her (me) he says things like "this bitch is pissing me off tonight hope she goes bed soon", all while he's sat there accusing me of cheating, calling me names and making me feel so small I wanted to kill myself.

Well this morning I seen them texts I got ready and I took my child to school shaking like a leaf, I walked to the nearest pcso's and I told them everything! They told me they can not do anything even though I ended up having a camera watching me sleep and proof! Because he's not using them or threatening to use pictures as revenge porn (there's footage of us having sex) there's nothing they can do, they can try and get him done for EA and CC but it will end up being no charge!!

So I made the police assist to go and get him out of MY house, and he locked himself in. I stood in my garden and he threw 4 packets of empty sleeping tablets out of the window and said I hope your happy, I told the police and they kicked my door off! He got took to custody and I got my stuff and I got my child and I left.

Later on I get a message from a girl he has been speaking to saying how he always asked to meet after 1am (when I was in bed) but she never did, I felt sick.

He got out of custody a few hours ago and messaged me "wuu2? Xxxx" 😂😂🤦🏼‍♀️

I replied and told him how horrible he is, that I am blocking his number and sorting out child out so he doesn't end up anything like him and I will speak to him in a week or so when I am ready to let him see him"

His replies were nothing about our child only again accusations of me cheating would you believe it!

I have now blocked him and his "side chick" messaged me what he said to her one hour ago, "I told you already I'm single sexy bum' 🤮🤮🤮

I will claim my life back, I will be stronger and I will make my son have the best life possible!

I do not know where to go from here with regards to contact with my son but for now I'm hoping I will be able to get moved by the council tomorrow and become priority as I can not live in my own house again due to HIM living directly opposite me at his dads!

THE END 😂 sorry for the long post you don't know how long I have waited to become this no fear girl!!

Well done on leaving him. Keep that anger as it will help you. Get network around you to support you. Go no contact. Look at hoovering tactics on YouTube to prevent him successfully love bombing you as I promise he will be back as they always do.

He is an absolute disgrace. I'm sorry for how he treated you but delighted you were able to find the strength to leave.

Can you afford do e counselling? Just to keep you on track through the initial separation?

There may be sadness, there may be a lot of tears but no question you have done the right thing.

Speak to Women's Aid.
See if you can do the Freedom Programme, it is online , as well .

Buy the book Lundy Bancroft -Why does he do that ?
The book tells you all about abusers and coercive control.

Read up about narcissists and watch YouTube videos about them. Sarah Speaks, Narc Survivor, inner integration Dr Ramani are all good to watch.

Most abusive men are high in narcissistic/socipathic/psychopathic traits.
Educate yourself on the red flags, so you don't go into another abusive relationship.

He will try to Hoover you back in. Don't go back..He will also try to triangulate you with other women.
Go no contact. Block and delete him out of your life. Good luck. Stay strong.

Thank you everyone 🙏🏼
I had a rubbish sleep last night mainly because I had to keep checking the door to make sure he wasn't stalking me.

I blocked his number last night, he could of unblocked me off Facebook but he hasn't so he doesn't care too much 🙄 👏🏼

I am going to have to unblock him in a week or so so I can speak to him about our son, it's going to be tricky unless I go through his mum?

Genuinely don't want want to see his lying face again for fear I might punch him!

Hopefully his mum can get our son and bring him back 🤔

Am I being unreasonable waiting a week before he see's our child? I feel like I need space and settle into our new routine.

No of course you're not. Give yourself time to recover a bit before worrying about that.

You've definitely done the right thing. What an arsehole!!! Even if he hadn't been cheating, his abusive treatment of you is enough to end the relationship. Well done.

Thank you I feel like I'm in a dream, like I'm a whole new person but I'm grieving for the good times, he unblocked me on Facebook earlier and said 'can I live there please x'

No 'please don't block me on here just want to check how DS is!'

I just blocked him, I'm just scared to go back to get more of my things because he will see me 🤔

That's really awkward about your house being opposite his Dad's. Could you ask someone to pick up some things for you?

I hope you can get re-homed quickly.

Well done you. Please dont give in, stay strong. You deserve so much better than this.

He's messaged my mum now saying "please can you tell (me) I need to see DS"

I deleted and blocked it 🤔 it's becoming harder the more he's speaking and demanding, I'm usually weak and give into him, but not this time.

I do have one friend to collect my stuff but that's not a good idea he already went mad at her yesterday for getting "involved", my mum and dad are too delicate I won't want them to get caught up in anything so I don't know what to bloody do 🤦🏼‍♀️

Can you Fung Wkmens Aid it the police to see if they can go back with you to get your stuff?

Bloody hell. Fat fingers & iPhones don’t mix!

Can you ask women’s Aid &/or the police to help you get your stuff safely. Or a friends beefy partner?

I'm concerned that if you move out the council will consider it that you've made yourself homeless and then not rehouse you. Or am I in error, and you're only temporary staying elsewhere? Have you spoken to the council already?

I hope your friend told him where to go and that if he wasn't such a psycho, she wouldn't need to be a go between in the first place. Hopefully she can continue to do that for you. I also think you should rope in your parents more. Fragile smagile, if I had a kid with a partner like him and knew the full extent of things, I'd want to help. Ideally to do the pick up and drop off of your son whenever pos so that you don't need to see the git ever again.

Yes my friend told him she became involved loved the day she saw her best friend break down because of this, unfortunately no beefy partners involved 😂
My mum and dad will want to help but I don't want them to 🤦🏼‍♀️ I'm such a nugget I think I should let them.
I thought maybe I can go home at the weekend to collect some more things with my mum and dad, send my child to his dads while I'm there so he gets to see him and hopefully he will leave me alone while I sort some things out.
I have not give up my council house as they advised me not to but I have made a new application to hopefully in the next 2 weeks get a decision that I can be put high priority to move, if not I am going to go private rent.

It's arranged for tomorrow I contacted his mum 😫
Going to collect my things from mine tomorrow, letting DS go to him for the day and said he can collect the rest of his things while I'm there but I'm making sure my friend is with me.

Hopefully all goes well and he doesn't try and be awkward 🤞🏼

have you moved out OP ?

Yes I have I couldn't sleep opposite him, still have the keys to my old house though that's why the council recommended

Don;t let him manipulate you OP, stay focused and be kind to yourself.

Thank you 🙌🏼

Today went well thank god,
He came and got his stuff while I was getting mine we had mutual friend there so nothing bad got said.he said he's sorry this mess is all his fault and I said yeah it is, he wanted to hug me when I went but I said no and he hugged me anyway, he said he hopes I'm not moving because of him and he understands I won't get back with him so I don't need to move 🙄

Eww, he's trying to be emotionally manipulative by acting pally with you all of a sudden. Creepydeepy.

Speaks volumes that he ignored your 'no' and hugged you anyway and yet expects you to believe he would respect your boundaries if you stayed with him. Yeah, when pigs fly!

Good on you for getting out!