Pregnant and that gut feeling..

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Oh god. I can't believe I'm writing this to be honest.

I'm 9 weeks pregnant. This is a miracle after suffering from CIN3 and LLETZ treatment after treatment and HPV. I thought it would never happen. My other half and I met 2 years ago. Before me (literally a few weeks before me) he was well known as a real shag about to everyone bar me lol. We started dating and we hit it off. Two years later we are here, happily moved in together and he's been an Absoloute dream boyfriend to me.

So this situation is that I'm pregnant and I'm gaining weight. I've always been about a 12 and I noticed he likes very slim petite girls to look at (follow online ext) which isn't me. I'm now a 14 and he keeps commenting on my weight, saying my legs look chunkier and I've got another chin, that my belly wobbles. He says he's only having much after but deep down I know he isn't. He is pretty shallow and I knew that when I got with him. But tonight, I saw he was on Instagram looking at women. Local women he knows. Following local women he knows of. First of all - he told me he had deleted Instagram about a year ago as he only had it to pull girls. So he tried flicking off it when I sat down next to him but I saw it and my gut wrenched. Then I saw the Facebook app next to it. What the hell he never had that? I confronted him about the searches but he said it's what guys Do and it's the same as watching porn. Porn is natural and not local women? These are women you have slept with or fancy? He's upstairs asleep and I'm on the sofa right now with that gut feeling.

My ex boyfriend before cheated on me (3 kids behind my back with 3 different women) so I don't know if I'm being stupid but it just doesn't seem right being girls he knows and liking their raunchy revealing pics? Help me I don't know what to do.

Only having a laugh that should read guys..

Hmm. My gut says once a fuckboy always a fuckboy. The Instagram thing is a big klaxon.

But what’s worse is commenting on your weight. That is despicable. Do you think a man who really cares about you and his unborn child would give a shiny shit about pregnancy weight gain? Which is totally normal and expected? And... reversable?

What an arse. How dare he.

I feel the same, my gut is telling me it's the beginning of worse to come but I guess I just don't want to believe it as he's been so perfect until now? The weight thing isn't a laugh like he thinks and he says would I rather him not say how he feels? Not be honest? And I think Christ I can't win. I don't hate him for it but it makes me self aware and a little feeling of not good enough pops up, exaggerated now by the bloody Instagram (which he has now removed the app of his phone) but the damage is done?

'he says would I rather him not say how he feels?'

It isn't a virtue to be completely insensitive to other's feelings, and telling people hurtful things he thinks at all times. You would be perfectly within your rights to tell him to stop being a cunt, though.

And I agree, I wouldn't trust him. If he thinks it ok to talk like that to you, he probably also has no idea of what's acceptable to do.

He hasn't been perfect. He's told you that you are getting fat and is making you feel you aren't good enough.

This is the start of an abusive relationship. If you stay with him, you'll be feeling desperate in 2 years time.

He sounds gross. It's not 'what guys do'. My dh has neither Facebook or Instagram and isn't trawling online looking at women. I'm pregnant too op, I've put on some weight. He's never said a negative thing, only nice stuff (sorry I'm not trying to rub it in), it's expected - you're carrying a baby!

You're pregnant and vulnerable and he should be doing everything he can to make you feel secure and safe. He's doing the opposite. I'd be reconsidering this relationship.

Totally off topic but having a baby after cin 3 and lletz isn't a miracle? It's v common. Medical advice is to wait 6 months after the procedure before trying to conceive but other than that it should not affect your fertility at all.

I am clarifying this as I don't want other readers to panic unnecessarily www.healthtalk.org/peoples-experiences/cancer/cervical-abnormalities-cin3-and-cgin/fertility-and-pregnancy

Wow, he sounds a right proper cunt.

What timeline are you on here? Consider your pregnancy choices. Do you want to go ahead and share PR with someone who's such a dick? Don't put him on the BC for gods sake.

Scarfaceclaw21, yes I thought that was worth saying for others too. I've been through the same and hasn't affected fertility at all and I've not been consultant led because of it either.

He’s a proper piece if shit. Red flags all over the place. Get out while you can.

There's no way I'd be having a kid with someone like him. It's only going to get worse - and do you really want to be tied to someone like that for the next 18+ years?

My exh turned into an utter cunt when I was pregnant. Actually it turned out that is who he actually is. Keep the baby but right now you have one cunt too many in your life.

You knew what he was before you got with him.

I'm not sure what you want us to say here?

Hi there. I didn't get in to details but doctor has said it's very likely I am to need a hysterectomy hence why I've been naughty and trying to have a baby before this.

I don't think that's very nice advice, but thanks

Did your partner know you were trying to conceive?

I think if he hasn’t cheated already, he will soon enough. Come on OP, wake up - he’s always been known as somebody who has a lot of casual sex; he likes to look at and try to contact other women he knows / who live locally; he tells you himself that he doesn’t see anything wrong with trying it on with others. Commenting on your weight isn’t him joking or having a laugh, he’s warning you that if you get or stay fat he’ll see it as his right to look elsewhere for somebody he finds more attractive.

You’ll be raising this baby as a lone parent sooner or later. It would be far better for you, and you’ll have a much more relaxing and enjoyable pregnancy if you ask him to leave now and start rallying friends and family around you for the help and support you deserve instead.

He sounds like an absolute prick to me, how bloody dare he comment on your weight when you are pregnant. He should be doing his best to look after you and cherish you, not look at other girls and insult you! I'd be preparing to be a single mum if I was you.

I am really sorry but if he is like this when you are pregnant and vunerable - how is it going to be when you have a small baby needing you. If your relationship is based on how thin your thighs are - you know the answer to this. When you are a mum you start thinking about what you want for your child - what advice would you give to them if they asked you the question you are asking us? I wish you all the best.

Sorry can I also just add as I read the post from another poster clarifying that CIN3 and LLETZ treatment for people needing these does not cause infertility to stop them feeling worried - I also had CIN3 and LLETZ. I had an inch taken from my cervix around November and by the end of January I was starting IVF (not because of my CIN3 or LLETZ but due to other infertility) - by mid-February I was pregnant with twins and never had an issue carrying them.
Of course, you may have something else going on that you did not refer to, like a much shorter than average cervix, but for anyone needing a CIN3 and LLETZ - please be reassured having a LLETZ does not cause infertility.

"My ex boyfriend before cheated on me (3 kids behind my back with 3 different women) so I don't know if I'm being stupid" - this sounds horrendous and suggests that you are incredibly vulnerable when it comes to trust and feeling valued. In your place, I imagine that I'd feel hugely insecure after such a breach of trust.

I am very sorry to say that I think you current partner knows this, and therefore thinks he can get away with terrible behaviour now.

Please follow the advice of other posters and get out now. Someone who is commenting on your weight (especially during pregnancy) is already testing you by chipping away at your confidence. It sounds like you've already had a bad experience and with him seeking out other women and acting as though your weight is the most important factor in a faithful relationship, you are setting yourself up for hell, not to mention showing your future child that his behaviour is normal and OK. Please be strong for yourself now and go it alone.