Always think people don't like me

[French8312]

I know it's a self-confidence thing. I'm kind and respectful to everyone, i don't give them a reason to strongly dislike me so it's stupid.
A friend stopped messaging for a couple of weeks. I assumed she had just dropped me, so I deleted her number etc. And tried to move on, and now she's just started messaging again like normal.

Another girl didn't reply to my invite for a coffee, so I started telling myself she didn't like me that much. Then she eventually replied saying she would love to.

If someone at work looks a bit off in the corridor or something I always worry theyre annoyed at me or don't like me.

I often wonder if my close friends find me annoying or think badly of me or if I message them too much on Facebook.

This also comes across in romantic relationships, I have a hard time believing men actually have feelings for me.

I am genuinely well-liked and have a decent number of friends but I can't see it. I know it's an anxiety thing too. I hate it and want to stop feeling this way and jumping to conclusions.
Anyone else have this or have any advice ? Thanks

Just wanted to add, I seem to get this as well with people who are quite loud and out going or who are in a position of authority to me, I find both intimidating :%

Did someone in the past really let you down? A

Did someone in the past really let you down? Someone you trusted and thought was special?

I get this too, but I'm not as popular as you. I get it because I never got on socially with people, I didn't know how to behave, so I was bullied. Did someone at home or school bully you?

I suppose people could be like this for all sorts of reasons. I'm getting EMDR therapy for the 'trauma' of bullying and social rejection and the various impacts it's had- have you tried any/many forms of therapy? I had to try a few therapists before I found one that suited me.

Yes if someone doesn't get in touch I always assume they've gone off me! My ex/bestie always tells me they'll be back, and he's always right. xx

• sorry, crazy edit above but I hope it makes sense

Oh yeah 😂 most men sadly, I got bullied throughout school and ive been bullied at work a couple of times..

@Interestedwoman sorry to hear you have been through this..
Yeah, have been bullied a lot and also an abusive relationship, I hope the therapy helps you, you will have to let us know how it goes !

I was seeing a therapist but he randomly disappeared from the radar !

I think i need to search for a new one

Yes I get it.

I recommend CBT xx

'I hope the therapy helps you, you will have to let us know how it goes !' I've been doing this particular stuff for about 6 months so far- would recommend! Yes, we do a little bit of CBT too, but EMDR supposedly works faster.

Certainly find yourself someone of some kind- I think you'd find it helpful xxx

I have this issue too. I have to rationally tell myself that people aren't thinking about me all the time. They have their own shit going on. So someone not replying to a text probably means they are busy, not that they hate you.

I also have to try to tell myself not to let other people determine my self esteem. That's completely my responsibility.

Louise Hay books were fairly helpful for me, though I don't agree with all of her outlook, the positive affirmations were helpful.

You may have weak emotional boundaries. Lots of people do! I would read up on this concept.

I have a friend who was like this. Therapy has really helped her. I have to be honest, it was frustrating being on the receiving end at times, like she secretly believed that we all disliked her and were only pretending to be her friends. It’s good that you recognise the issue, hopefully you can sort it out before it starts affecting your friendships.

Please don’t take too seriously! A had a “friend” like you describe yourself and to be honest it was just too much drama and headache. I mean that in the nicest possible way, people are just busy with life and I think you will lose friends if u don’t change your thinking. My friend had a huge fight with me as she felt I was ignoring her (feel free to read my thread as I posted about it). I think you automatically assume the worst in people but everyone has things going on and maybe you’re not top of their priority right now. If I was you just be friendly to everyone and maybe join lots of groups so u don’t have time to dwell on people that don’t respond to you. Goodluck and hope u feel better soon x

OP I really do feel for you. Sorry if my previous message sounded harsh. Like my friend you seem like a lovely person but if you keep thinking like this no one will want to be around u! I feel sad to have to walk away from my friendship with this person but it’s just so difficult having to always respond back straight away incase that person gets upset etc. Also don’t expect too much from people! This friend said to me I don’t do anything for her! Everyone is so busy no one has a chance to think of others, I know it’s sad but that’s life

This puzzles me, OP -- why are you not thinking primarily of whether you like the other person? Why is the other person's response to you (in your imagination) more important than your interest in/liking for them? Put yourself and your preferences front and centre for a change and change the emphasis.

And I agree with a couple of previous posters -- I've in the past had friends who've defaulted to thinking that anything less than greeting them with ear-to-ear smiles, or madly enthusiastic and immediate responses meant I 'no longer liked them', and, honestly, it got boring very quickly. The endless bolstering of someone's faltering self-esteem and continual reassurance is exhausting, and I have no patience with someone else's incredibly sensitive internal timeline for how quickly I needed to respond to a message to 'prove' I was still her friend, because of, you know, work and a child and other stuff going on, or hearing from a mutual friend that X had 'decided to walk away' because I wasn't enthusiastic enough about keeping in touch.

OP I’m the same, although I don’t react, I just step back a bit until I get some evidence to contradict my irrationality I guess. I got bullied as a kid and have only recently realised that this is how it’s affected me. It’s been like this with every friendship I’ve had pretty much, I’ve never felt good enough to be a “best friend” so freak out a bit (internally) if I don’t get responses. I’ve always felt like I’m not fun enough, not good enough at just chatting and being light hearted, maybe I’m too serious etc. It makes it hard because I let people in quite quickly but if I sense I might get hurt, my guard goes up - especially with work colleagues/friends for some reason. Looking at counselling too.

My two closest friends live a long way away so I have had to get used to it; life gets busier as we all get older, replies take longer.. I know it’s not personal deep down with them.

I’m better with men and am always more at ease around them; my partner is the only person I’ve never felt like this with at all.

Sorry I don’t have any advice but wanted you to know it’s not just you!

Hi op. You sound a lot like me!! I had interpersonal therapy and it really helped. Perhaps this is a route that might help you too.