Husband hospital appointment

[orangebiscuit2]

Hi, some background - I am the organiser in our house, I enjoy it and it comes naturally to me. My DH, however is a disaster, needs to be prompted and reminded about everything. Relies heavily on me and we have had several conversations where I have expressed that I'd like him to take more responsibility and use more initiative.

So...he has a hospital appointment tomorrow, it is on our calendar, letter on the fridge. He hasn't mentioned it and I'm 99% sure he has forgotten about it. Should I remind him or let him face the consequences of being disorganised?

Disclaimer - it is not a massively important appointment, routine review. I do worry about the cost of a missed appointment on the NHS though.

Any thoughts?

Ask him what he's doing tomorrow and see if he mentions it.

For the sheer cost to the NHS I'd remind him.

I would bring it up in conversation... E.g. Are you doing anything after your appointment tomorrow?

Purely for the NHS sake, if it was something else I wouldn’t bother.

mention it ! Reviews are important and that missed appointment could have been someone else's! Bloody annoying though I can imagine !

For the cost to the NHS remind him. But please start making him be an adult and remember his own shit.

Definitely mention it as missed appointments are a huge burden on the NHS

@girlofthenorth it's incredibly annoying. He acknowledges it when I bring it up but nothing ever changes. I need to actually stop spoon feeding him everything. It's probably partly my fault.
I will mention it to him.

Make a point over something that isn't a medical appointment.

I actually think it's pretty mean to consider not reminding a loved one about a hospital appointment! If my husband purposefully did that to me I'd be actually quite hurt!

Seriously, remind him, it's a medical appointment, the NHS has enough wasted appointments . He may not have forgotten but if it was me and I'd forgotten if appreciate the reminder.

Put it in your joint outlook calendar.

My dh failed his degree because he forgot an exam. and that was on the sodding calendar too.

@spinderella78 would you expect your husband to coordinate all the day to day running of the house, children, finances and also keep tabs on your appointments?

I am going to remind him. I'm just sick of being the only responsible adult in my house

Why would you not remind him? Sounds like point scoring to me. Unnecessary and unkind.

I feel your pain... I am a natural organiser and my husband does none of it and relies on me for reminders... We argue about this...he never forgets lads nights out.....

I'd pick something else as the lesson.. That doesn't involve health or NHS.

As someone with a very similar partner, I totally understand why he makes you want to do this. I would be inclined to ask what he is doing tomorrow (to try and see if he has used his own initiative) and then if he doesn't, gently remind him. Its so frustrating having a forgetful and not very responsible partner! I totally get it!

Why don’t you get a joint calendar on your phones. That’s what I do with my partner and invite him to ‘events’ which are his appointments and they get automatically stored in his calendar and he will be notified via notification. I have to input the data but I do find it helps

For a hospital appointment- yes I would remind him. It's not right to mess a hospital about.

For less important things or social activities - no I probably wouldn't point it out.

It is very frustrating, and I wouldn't go out of my way to keep tabs on his appointments etc, but as you know about this one I would tell him. It's a medical appointment and missed slots are already a big issue, let alone when it's just to prove a point.

@CherryPavlova he shouldn't need reminded, that's my point. No one reminds me when I have an appointment. I just want him to take responsibility for himself.

@happytoday73 I know, funny how they don't forget things like that!

@Islandermum thank you, you understand.

@Nc77 is there a calendar app you use? Or just sync iphone calendars?

You are all right. I don't want to cost the NHS a missed appointment and I will remind him (even though it pains me to do so)

At times I want to just let him get on with it and forget things etc but ultimately it seems like that would make me and him stressed, and cause unnecessary hassle. So I just do it. Aaarrghh vicious circle.

@orangebiscuit2 *
*
would you expect your husband to coordinate all the day to day running of the house, children, finances and also keep tabs on your appointments?

Actually my husband does all that, plus look after the pets, take them to the vets, organise the kids and everything for school. BUT he is a stay at home dad by mutual choice so I admit it is sort of his job in terms of division of labour!

I do hear what you are saying though. And I would consider not reminding him on something else but I just think anything health related is out of bounds for teaching him the lesson.

I also second a shared family calendar on your phone. My husband enforced one on me (I wasn't keen) but now I use it too and he's trained me to put remember to actually put things in it! Worth a try.

We both use iPhone so I email him from my email account with an event and it stores it in his calendar. I can fiddle with the setting and ask it to notify him 6 hours in advance Or the night before and I’m sure your able to do other things. Give it a go and let us know how you get on 😁

Perhaps he has other skills or does jobs that you don’t? Perhaps, like my husband he empties the gutters or puts the bins out?
Why does remembering an appointment become such a big deal? It’s bot difficult to remind him, surely? Isn’t partnership about working together not fighting and point scoring all the while?