How to curtail well-meaning but irritating comments?

[lulupop]

I have some nieghbours who I see quite a lot as DS adores their DDs. The mum and dad are quite unusual in their views on life but basically good-hearted people. The mum used to be a HV. The trouble is, I don't agree with a lot of the way they "parent" their DDs, but wouldn't dream of saying anything. In contrast, she always makes unsolicited comments about my approach to feeding and sleeping. DD is 5 months and this lady is always telling me that she only sicks up milk because she;s overfed (she is BF and is quite sicky, but then so was DS, and I just fed them when they were/are rooting, not for comfort), that she only wakes a lot because "she's got you on the run", and generally implies that I'm unable to recognise what it is my children actually need.

I am a fairly confident and direct person, so why do I feel unable to respond to these comments directly?

Their family do a lot for mine in terms of general help with my children, babysitting, etc, and I really appreciate all of that but just resent this implication that she knows more than me about what my own baby needs in terms of feeding/sleeping routines. How can I gently let her know that I don't really want her "help" unless I ask for it?

I would just say something like 'well perhaps thats one way of looking at it' how annoying. MIL and even my own mum at times have said things like this, such as MIL telling me ds has been teething for months, has he heck, hes just been a bit grissley cos he's tired or hungry or whatever.

Hard one. If you didn't want their babysitting help, you could tell her what you think. However, I can appreciate that you are stuck between a rock and a hard place with this situation. I am a coward, and don't like confrontations, so I would probably just stop seeing her as much, even though it was cutting off my nose to spite my face. Hmm hard one.

yes, this is hard. maybe just laugh as if you assume she's joking, then move on to something else. the only worry is with her babysitting skills maybe!

You could start making adverse comments about her children. That might wake her up!

Really difficult. Why not mention to her in the passing, whilst you are talking about a completely different subject, that someone tried to tell you what to do with your baby, and how much it annoyed you? She might get the picture. If you dont say something, it might build up until you do lose it and lose a friend too. (Happened to me!)

Message withdrawn

I think I'd be inclined to say "How interesting! But we have taken advice and we're getting along quite nicely thank you" - and then change the subject. She'll get the message. Eventually!

Next time she makes a comment say 'Gosh you're obviously really missing being a hv. Are you thinking of going back to work?'

It sounds to me like she is only trying to help. However I can see how annoying it would be as to you it sounds like she is questioning everything you do. My bf does this a lot, since her way of parenting is very different from mine. I just let it wash over me, I can normally predict what she's going to say since I know her so well. I let her have her say, no harm done. If she gets too overbearing I sometimes say something like, well, all children are different.

I know she is kind hearted and does heaps for us and is only trying to help, so it's not too hard to just let it go in one ear and out the other.

You're all right, she is only trying to help really, It's just so annoying the way she makes comments that, if I were to make them to her, would definitely be taken the wrong way.

For instance, I have just started weaning DD (22 weeks). First comment (addressed to baby) was "You don't need solids! You've got your mummy on the run again!". Today I saw her, and DD was sick. The last thing DD had had was a teaspoon of baby rice 3 hours earlier. First comment from neighbour: "Your Mummy's been overfeeding you again, hasn't she!"

I think sleep deprivation is making me a little intolerant

Lulupop, if she is being that pointed in her comments about feeding, I think it would be ok to say something like 'you seem worried about ds feeding? and see what she says. If she makes light of it or says something more say 'its so lovely that you are so helpful, but I'd like to find my own way of doing things'. I reckon she probably cares a lot for you both so it would be a shame to upset things over a bit of tactlessness. good luck