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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just looking for perspective

6 replies

confusedoften · 23/10/2019 17:48

I'm a single mum of 2 (5&7), have an abusive ex husband and court orders etc.

So, I decided to try online dating. Met a handful of guys. Never even kissed anyone, no second dates until I met this one guy, and I was very nervous when I met him because through the chatting online he seemed really nice.

Multiple dates, stayed at his, he stayed at mine (while kids are away) and I really like him.
I really do like him.

He seems very keen and into me. We have a great time together, dates last for hours and hours without us realising.
He texts quite a lot, he arranges the next date at the end of each one. The sex is mind blowing. He's so nice, gentle, tender but manly and chivalrous with it. He doesn't have kids, he wants kids.
He admitted that me having kids is a bit intimidating as he has no experience of kids at all. But he isn't scared off.

I have terrible self esteem, but he seems very into me. He travels for work quite a lot, and he always makes a date to see me the evening he gets back.
I guess I'm struggling with the fact that he must also really like me to put in this effort and not be put off as I have 2 children.
To get involved with a single mum?
Just looking for people's perspective.

OP posts:
Interestedwoman · 23/10/2019 17:52

Awww I think plenty of men wouldn't have a problem with someone having kids. It sounds like things are going well. Believe it and enjoy it :)

SeaSidePebbles · 23/10/2019 17:57

I would keep the two separate for a while yet.
As in: see him, have fun etc, but don’t let him move in, meet the children etc.
The reason I say this: you have just came out of an abusive relations and it’s really important you keep your own space/ headspace/financial independence till you are sure sure.

welshladywhois40 · 23/10/2019 18:01

All the positive signs are there so go with it and enjoy what is happening

He texts you a lot
He arranges dates
You have fun together

If you had said he is never in touch and you never see him alarm bells would start to ring.

I don't have experience of introducing a new partner to children but I do have a step daughter that I love to bits but respect that I am a step mum. But I have a clear role in her life - if things get more serious you need to help him understand what role he takes in your children's life.

confusedoften · 23/10/2019 19:15

Thanks.
I've been single for 3 years. So this was quite a big step for me!!

I have no plans to introduce him to the kids anytime soon. We need more time together to get to know each other first.

Thanks for replies

OP posts:
JorisBonson · 23/10/2019 21:24

He sounds like a goodun and very honest. Good luck and have fun!

confusedoften · 25/10/2019 11:09

Development:

I sent a Facebook request. FB suggested it and I clicked Add.
He's very likely seen it and hasn't accepted. And since then I can see him online on WhatsApp and he isn't reading my messages.

Is Facebook friending really that scary?

OP posts:
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