Cheating

[mumsfc]

So my DH has been sleeping with a work colleague for the last six months on a weekly basis when they worked away together. That's bad enough in itself, but he had to work away on our sons birthday and I can't get it out of my head he slept with her that day. This I find the worst betrayal, he says he didn't that day but how can I believe him, it's driving me crazy that not only I meant nothing to him but our son too. I'm so angry. My son idolizes his dad. God I hate DH so much for doing this to us.

he says he didn't that day but how can I believe him, it's driving me crazy
THIS does not matter.
He shagged her every week for 6 months.
What do you want to happen next?
Have you kicked him out so you can have some headspace to think about all of this?
Have you confided in a friend or relative?
You need some love and support right now so please reach out.
How old is DS?
Do you work?

have you started to divorce him?

Jesus christ, just leave the a-hole. His priorities are not with you and your child.

It's a monumental betrayal. If that what your gut is saying, I'd go with that.

That fact that it was your sons birthday is indicative of a certain type of person.

What do you want to do now, OP?

What

We are not together, I can't forgive him. He wants us to try again, but at the moment I can't even contemplate it. My son is nearly 11, I don't want to hurt him either, he's devastated dad has gone and I think blames me. He knows about the OW but i don't think really understands what has been happening. It's all a mess.

@mumsfc I am so so sorry you are going through this. I am in a very similar situation myself. My partner had an affair with a work colleague and it absolutely broke me. This was only a month or so ago. He moved out to a family members to try and make amends and work on his family relationship. Now he tells me he loves her but says nothing is going on even though they are constantly messaging each other. We hsve a 4 Yr old who he barely sees and its devastating to say the least and im trying to pick up the pieces alone. This kind of deceit is so painful and makes you think all kinds of things. I feel for the kids left behind because my son just dosnt know whats happening. I really do feel for you as it is the worst thing to go through x

It's awful finding out someone you trust has committed the worst betrayal. My situations slightly different (won't go into detail as there's already a thread on here about it) but it's completely turned my world upside down and made me question everything.
I hate him for doing it, I hate myself for not trusting my gut earlier. I used to be such a romantic but I think I hate all men and want to remain single for the rest of eternity now.
I hope you stay strong enough to leave the bastard.
I'm so exhausted with it all. Big hugs

I know some people do bad things but not everyone is like that. Don't ruin your future happiness because of someone who is lacking any moral fibre. You do deserve love it just takes time to find the right person

Men who are cheating don't decide well it's my childs birthday today so I won't cheat, they literally don't care what day or occasion it is. Don't fixate on that. He's a bastard and you deserve better!

I'm really sorry for all others going through something similar, it's heartbreaking. I know I shouldn't be fixating on this one thing but I can't help it, my son is my world and I thought his too, guess I was wrong. It's been a few weeks since I found out and the pain isn't getting any better, just want to feel something else now and move on, from him. I know I'm better off alone than with a cheating scumbag, it's just so hard. He is a good dad and I would never stop him seeing our son, just wish I didn't have to see him and be reminded of what he did.

It's been 5 months since I found out and it's no easier either. Every single day it's in my head and I still have thousands of unanswered questions because to most things his answer is 'I don't know' or 'I can't remember'
I've given it long enough but it's really not worth the pain. I'm ending things.

You're grieving, it will take a bit of time. Be gentle with yourself.

It takes time OP.
You will NOT just 'get over it'. It doesn't work like that.
You have a whole process to go though.
15 years with the ExH and it took me a good year to get to back to myself.
A few weeks is nothing. Take your time. Grieve for the loss of your life as you knew it and your relationship.

Start to do small things for yourself.
Decorate. New bedding. New curtains. Re-arrange furniture. Get rid of pics of the 2 of you together. Do practical things.
It's gonna suck for a lot longer OP.
There is no quick fix.

But... we are all here to tell you that it does get better.

So look after yourself!

@mumsfc I really do hope you are ok. This pain is the absolute worst. I don't know how it ends. I wish I could hate my ex partner. In my heart I still love him deeply and miss him but that was the man before all of this and the thought of him going off and being with his new girlfriend with no responsibilities from homebmakes me feel physically sick. His new woman has a child and he will be spending more time with them than his own. It's like a multitude of knives thrown at me from all directions. I feel very very lonely and I know things will get better just wish it was here so I could just move forward. I really do hope you find your strength. X

@MedusaMomma,thanks for you concern, I'm not doing great today OW is now claiming she is pregnant and is 8 weeks, that takes it back to the week of DS birthday. I'm totally devastated. DH says he doesn't want it and wants us - lucky him to be able to make that choice, as if I'd touch him with a barge pole now. I do still love him which breaks my heart, we've been together a long time. Just want the pain to go away and get on with my life.

This is like living out a previous thread.
Is she definitely pregnant?
In the other thread it just wasn't true.
OP's husband didn't want to be with OW so she made it up.
It's a bit convenient she is saying this, no doubt knowing that the dates would upset you.
How do you know this? Who has told you?
Chin up - fake it 'til you make it.

Oh my word this is awful. It's that one thing that just tips it over the edge. I feel for you I really really do. What the hell was this man thinking! I think now you just need to take some time out. You need to get your head around this and think of a way to move forward that's right for you. All this tangled Web of lies and deceit are not by your hand and you need space to breathe sweetheart.

@hellsbellsmelons she's turned up on the doorstep and told me herself she's pregnant, she desperate to get him back. I did think she could be lying, but whether or not she is, they still had an affair and he didn't use a condom. I didn't mention DS birthday to her, didn't want to get into it, she said she was 8 weeks pregnant I worked out the dates.

@mumsfc oh this is awful, I feel for you as this must be so bloody hard to deal with. Have you got friends/family nearby to help out emotionally and just to be near? 💕

The OW has some nerve to turn up at your house, I may sound harsh in saying this but I hope your ex doesn't end up with her so she can raise the child alone and get some measure of the difficulty and heartbreak that she will be putting you and your DS through.

I know that may be an unpopular opinion and it takes two to tango, and that your ex was the one who has done this, but I always think as a woman how could you do that with no remorse to another woman especially one with a child. It boils my blood!

Fuck me - she's brazen!!!
So she has already wrecked your life (yeah yeah it's the husband blah blah blah) and now she is rubbing your face in it.
She sounds like a peach!
No wonder your ExH wants you and not her.
She sounds unhinged!
He made his bed. He can now lay in it with his lovely OW and new baby!
God the cliches keep coming don't they!?

@hellsbellsmelons funny, that's what I told him, he's such a cliche.