I have started emotional affair

[Custardcreamz]

Sorry for re posting. I did post on here week so ago about fancying another man whilst in relationship.

Long story .... we have been together 7 years many more downs than ups past 6 months I have tried work things out but am sick of feeling ignored and second best to his 'laptop/ computer gaming' He is always on it and sometimes all the way into the next day and I'm often asleep on my own in bed and he hardly wants sex the way I do. I then met a man at work who I felt intense feeling for few months ago but tried to push them away, he has since messaged me yesterday and we have been flirting.... I have spoken to my mum and she has said to keep things normal and end it when I have a plan?? This dosnt seem fair on either of us. We live together and work at the same company.
Either way I know I love my boyfriend but it can't work out anymore with as I clearly can't be happy enough to want to think about a life with another man. :( and he will not suddenly change.

Please help advice!! X
( No kids or marriage)

I think you need to either try and work your relationship out or leave

You are clearly not happy in your relationship and are seeking to fill the gaps elsewhere. How would you feel if your partner started an emotional affair?

I would be devastated. Tell your boyfriend. Don't start something that is going to end in hurting people.

Talk to your boyfriend. Tell him how you feel. If your relationship has come to an end, then leave him. Don't start anything with the man at work until you are single.

Yes I agree I won't start anything with other man. I have tired before with partner I jsut can't see it working I really love him it hurts me but I know we are not compatible any longer he is to interested in his gaming. Taking up our relationship time and his housework he should be helping me with. Have had many arguments over this with him and it's just not going change. We don't have children and so it should be happier and more love and sex and he just isn't giving me anything any more I feel like a roomate. He never cooks either or wants watch films I want to.

He's not a bad Peron just isn't going treat me way I want. He never has much money and we hardly go anywhere always inside and sleeping my own he goes on sofa after being on laptop

Talk to your boyfriend and stop taking to the other guy, at least until you've given your boyfriend a chance to change.

Mines a pc gamer, and used to spend all his free time in our spare room on his pc (we've been together 6 years, living together 5) even eating meals in there too. I was fine with it for the first 2 years of living together as I was studying, so found him being upstairs while I studied peaceful (he can get very shouty) but when I finished my course, I told him I missed him and we needed to spend more time together, or I was going to move out. I felt the lonelyless it sounds like you're describing once my distractions were gone.

It took a few weeks and a few conversations, but in the end we compromised with his pc coming down into the livingroom, so we were in the same room at least. Since then he actually spends less time on his pc as what I have on TV "looks good" our sex life has improved and then dropped dramatically, then improved again evidenced by our 3 month old.

Are you in the same room as you say he sometimes sleeps on the sofa, or does he have a separate room for his computer/laptop?

I dont understand..just end it. What is so complicated?

I game as a main hobby but DH and I do have some balance. He loves watching sport so I game while he watches sport and he watches it most days, plus we are in the same room so we do chat, comment on what each other is doing etc. I specifically decided not to turn a spare room in to a gaming room. What sort of hours is your partner gaming?

We always eat dinner together and watch an episode of a box set every day together.

When it comes to attempting to sort this out, avoid OM and communicate with your BF. I don’t know how much you have tried nor what you have said but if his gaming is too much and I have known people, who will put gaming before anything else as it is addictive then he needs to know you will be breaking up unless he does something about the amount of hours he games.

I mean it can be addictive not that it is a definite addiction.

I have never seen a marriage to a gamer of either sex that I would want to be in, to be honest.

My DH stays up late every night on the Xbox. I go to bed every night by myself. I’m getting pretty sick of it too, to be honest.

If you’re not married, you can easily split up.

So why is it so complicated - you're not happy, he won't listen or meet you half way, finish it.

I’ve got to ask - what are you hoping to hear from people on here. You’ve posted essentially the same message almost ten times. Nothing wrong with that I suppose but it seems clear you want a very specific answer e.g. just dump the partner and go for it with the new chap. You keep adding little bits to the scenario but honestly if I was your partner and found out you’d been seeking the go ahead to leave me over and over again, and getting the same responses, I’d be so hurt and any feelings I had would be gone in a flash. Maybe show him your threads and just leave him?

Oh just dump him. Don't waste anymore time, you are clearly incompatible.

Not married, no kids, partner has shown himself to be a disinterested waster now he has the little woman moved in. EA or no EA, this relationship is a waste of your time and needs to end.

Then, and only then, decide what to do about your colleague. I would caution that if he is willing to move in on a colleague in a relationship, he may not be a great long term prospect and I would think carefully about how you would work alongside him if you later break up - particularly if the circumstances are hurtful.

End it. Do not be a cheater, it ruins lives.

Agree. Just end it. He's very unlikely to change, you've tried. You're not tied to him by children or marriage.
Try and have a break before things start up with the other person.

He is always just on a game even if I tell him come down for few hours I just feel second best and unwanted. He se times games right through to the next day and it disrupts his sleep pattern and I come home from work at 2pm and he is still asleep untill 7ish and I eat on my own. It's just not going way I wanted. Feel like his roomate/ mother nagging him help me around house and our sex life just rubbish always me intiating it, I don't think it will get any better we have discussed it multiple times he can't make me happy anymore :( I need to just break up him it's hard when live together

Adults spending all their spare time gaming? Sounds lovely... not. That's no life. Definitely end it and don't stay then have kids with him. You'd end up with kids and a man child to look after. I used to work with a woman who had a husband that would work 40 hours a week then spend the rest of the time on his xbox. No days out with the kids, no movie days, just nothing. He would sit glued to it and not bother showering or brushing his teeth! She literally packed hers and the kids things up one weekend, going into the room to get various bits and pieces, trailing suitcases across the hall and he was so engrossed that he never even noticed! It took until 1pm the next day for him to message her and ask where she and the kids had gone 😮.

In the end, he said he only wanted the kids EOW until they were 10 or so and interested in gaming... I shit you not, this is real! She showed us the messages. He was so engrossed in gaming that it came first. He never ever got another girlfriend in the 4 years I worked with this woman and he would sit on the xbox and leave the kids to roam the house alone at 4 and 6 years old (6 months and 2 when the split happened). He would stop to feed them and that's about it. Contact stopped altogether after a while and he never fought. The sudden stop happened when the 6 year old told his mum that his sister who is 4 was choking on a pancake and he had to put his hand in her mouth to get it out as daddy told him to go away and stop being dramatic while engrossed in gaming! So of course the poor woman I worked with wondered what had gone on in the previous 4 years when the kids were less vocal and able to tell her what was going on.

I think he married that xbox, that's my assumption!

LEAVE! No point to try and make it work, when you don't have kids and are not married, if you are this unhappy to have an emotional affair. You can meet someone else more compatible to you. Marriage and kids only make things worse lol. Of course there are a lot of positives, but it does take a big toll on your relationship when you have kids...so whatever problems you have now, they increase...so if they are big enough to make you have an EA, then I would get out now.

Why is it hard? Money?

I have friends like this. I will log on for an hour or two in the morning and their on. Many hours later when DH is watching footie in the evening I will log on again and they haven’t taken any kind of break. Your BF has an addiction, just break up before you do anything with the OM or any other man, you get to hold your head up high and he gets his console which is what he wants.

The main thing is don't stay with him over the fear of not wanting to be alone. You need to leave him knowing this new man might also be bored of you in a few months. Hopefully he won't be! But you need to be strong. You can't stay with him until you have another man to go straight too. It's human nature to do that to protect ourselves from the painful grieving of a relationship ending.

Learning how to be you again is important firet. Live alone, be independent and strong first. If you know you can't do this without the new guy then you know you need to ask yourself why.

Is your relationship really over or are you just rememebering how nice it is to text a new face and be excited to meet up and get to know them. We all know how exciting and passionate those first few weeks are with a new crush. It will fade eventually again and life will become less about the sex and snogging.

I love my oh so much but even I go through stages of wanting to feel excitement again. To snog someone's face off and snuggle up with them talking about things. To be allover them and to feel nervous. Try and give everything down thought. Yes leave your partner if you are not in love anymore and you are miserable. But don't leave him if you just want to feel the thrill again. Be careful and think with your head aswel as your heart xx

It seems to me the points you are giving are reasons why it is ok to cheat. They are not. If he is as you say , they split up and find someone who makes you happy. Cheaters always want to find someone else to blame for their activities.