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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just wanted to write my thoughts.

4 replies

Username2010 · 22/10/2019 16:53

Hi all. Just wanted to write a few things down and to maybe have some input / advice.
I was in a mentally abusive relationship from 10 years. me and DS left and started new life. I was back on the dating scene but hated every minute. I found I was not very good at being single and found I wasn’t comfortable being alone due to never being alone so wasn’t used to it.
I went in several dates and during that time I partially became i would say obsessed with this one man, who was very attractive, dressed nice etc etc but his personality was very self absorbed.. he was an absolute idiot, he was still in contact with his ex and would lie to me and say he was with his friends when he wasn’t - he didn’t need to lie as we was just seeing each other! I don’t know what kept me going back. Maybe the thrill / drama - I don’t know! We decided to call it a day, although he would frequently message to tell me how beautiful I was! I’d see him at least 3/7 days on the school run.
Things started to cool down and that was it, I blocked him from everything so I couldn’t see him / contact him and vice versa. 4 months went on and I had a date with someone else, who seemed like they was sent from heaven. Looks/personality/future goals was / is everything I was looking for. The spark and connection was just unreal! Fast forward he is now my DH and we have a lovely life together. He’s my lover and best friend. I truly adore him!
However I seen the other guy in the car the other day ( I don’t see him in school run anymore as he moved ) he was behind me in another car. My heart was in my mouth but I was happy to see him. We don’t wave ( not sure why as it didn’t end badly ) is thinking of him, again not too sure why. I find myself wanting to bump into him, to say hi! I’d never cheat on my DH. but I feel terrible for thinking like this. Anyone had similar issues?

OP posts:
Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 22/10/2019 17:10

Have you had therapy for the abuse you suffered? I wonder if on some level you are still looking to be validated/told you are beautiful etc - even though you have your perfect partner, the primal part of your brain is still looking for more.

andrea11745 · 23/10/2019 04:34

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LondonCrone · 23/10/2019 21:27

I think that it’s totally normal to still get a thrill from running into an ex, especially one where the relationship didn’t end cleanly. I don’t think at all it’s because you want to shag him or cheat — I think humans just live for the drama!

Who honestly hasn’t fantasised about running into an ex when you look amazing, and you’re in a happy relationship, and they pine for you? It’s just a harmless fantasy about ‘winning’. It’s a sign that your life is good, and you made the right choices.

Leave it alone, and know that it will pass.

Interestedwoman · 23/10/2019 21:34

Nothing wrong with a little bit of fantasy. You could 'take your feelings out' on DH :)

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