Is it ok to ask for this now?

[CantSayIt]

I told my dh a few days ago that I want to separate, it’s something I’ve wanted for a long time but only had the strength to do now.
He has nowhere to go so he’s going to be here for a while. We haven’t actually discussed how things are going to work because he’s not talking to me, one of the reasons actually why I want to separate.

My question is can I ask him for money he said he would give me a few weeks ago? It’s for house hold expenses he asked me to cover so that he could save for a family related expense (holiday) which we won’t actually be doing now.
We don’t have a joint ac, I cover some bills and he pays others. He earns double what I do and I don’t have any savings as that would have been his department iykwim?

Of course you can ask, but don’t be surprised if he ignores you or it starts and big argument.

Perhaps wait until you can discuss things a little better? If you can.

I would seek legal advice asap particularly if you have not already done so. Have you as yet spoken to Womens Aid and or the Rights of Women organisations?.

You and he now living under the same roof is a recipe for disaster, its not actually your problem he apparently has nowhere else to go (and abusive men more often than not refuse to leave in any case).

From the little you have written there is abuse present within this relationship from him to you so be very careful re your own safety going forward. The silent treatment is emotional abuse and he could well be financially abusive too.

I would forget this money, he is not going to give you that and will use that further as a stick to beat you with.

Perhaps sit down for a discussion about how it's going to work rather than this money specifically.

You and he now living under the same roof is a recipe for disaster, its not actually your problem he apparently has nowhere else to go (and abusive men more often than not refuse to leave in any case).

Have you read more info in another thread or something? Cos if not I cannot understand why you’re jumping to abuse, nor why you seem to think OP’s DH should be the one to move out (saying it’s not her problem that he has nowhere to go) given that they’re married, so they’re both legally entitled to remain in the home, and OP is the one to have ended the relationship.

Would you say the same to a guy who said he asked his wife to separate a few days ago? That she’s abusive and it’s not his problem if she has nowhere to go? Wtf.

Am I missing something?

@7125r completely agree with you. Do you really need that money right now? If you have chosen to separate he is probably really confused and hurting now. If the money is very important, go ahead and be tactful and explain where youre coming from, he should understand. If you could do without it for a couple weeks, itd be humanly to give him the time to process the separation information before you ask him for things (even if youre in ur right), he might react in an unusual way due to the hurting. *sucks. It's not ideal to cohabit but in this day and age people often cant just up and leave (unless youre at risk, if so tell to go). i think we all need to be grown ups. He is bound to be hurt and difficult (its understandable) his life is gonna change massively and it was not his choice... so youll probably have to be patient. Dont leave talking to him too long though, he cant just pretend it's not happening. And life does move on whether he likes it not. But u can certainly can be sympathetic. Hope it all goes smoothly.

OP has cited that one of the reasons she has wanted to separate from him is the fact that he is not talking to her again and that seems to be an ongoing problem.

The fact also that she is having to ask him for money is also concerning, there is no joint account. Some men can and do use money also as a means of controlling their victim.