My expartner and I were together, mostly happily, for a long time. I was devoted to him, and would do anything for him, and always felt it was reciprocated. Whilst no relationship is perfect, there was a lot of mutual support, meeting of minds etc. He wasn't entirely happy with our sex life (in retrospect nor was I), but we struggled to discuss these problems (although we'd resolved other issues as they arose this one was one we found hard to discuss) and eventually we split up. For the last few months of the relationship he began fucking someone else, a woman he met online where he went looking for sex (at this point we had effectively stopped having sex). This carried on for a few months after our split but he refused to commit to a relationship with her (because in his words he just saw her as someone to have sex with), and eventually contacted me to ask if we could try again.
As of yet, a few months on, I haven't agreed so whilst we are in contact we are not in a relationship. I have a LOT of concerns. As does he. I wasn't always particularly kind or nice, and in the process of us splitting up I sent some very negative and quite personal messages. That said had I known he was fucking someone else I would have said worse.
My view is that we both behaved badly and that whilst 2 wrongs don't make a right of we want to start again we wipe the slate clean.
However he wants to analyse all my comments while dismissing his infidelity on the basis we weren't having sex. He is also still in contact with the woman he was fucking and I know she is dripping poison in his ear about me (as she has told me directly that she thinks she should be with him as she is better in bed than me - but because I am significantly more attractive in all respects he doesn't want her if he can have me) He says she means nothing to him and I do believe it but she is a shit stirrer and for that reason I think he needs to cut contact.
I don't fall into that trap of just blaming her. I know both are at fault. But she is the one who has repeatedly contacted me to 'put me in the picture' and make a number of spiteful and hurtful comments like telling me I'm shit in bed, or how they used to laugh at me and take the piss behind my back. She knew of my existence all along and even after he contacted me to try and get me back, she called me to tell me everything and then immediately after called him and offered him sex. She is jealous of me clearly; I try to just think she is pathetic and no threat but frankly I would prefer her to be out of the way entirely rather than sending him messages like how if he stays with me I'll never give him sex and nothing will change and he'll regret it!
I do think things can change and she clearly is no oracle. I've suggested seeing a counsellor which he is willing to do. I think he also should cut this woman out as she has an agenda which is deeply anti me.