Help to leave an emotional abuser

[Flippant]

Long time lurker here. I’d like some advice on how I can help my wonderful sister (32). She is in a relationship with an emotionally abusive man and she has finally disclosed the extent of the abuse to me following another vile incident last night.

Back story - they met online a year ago. Extremely charming at first; a dynamic, creative guy. He showed his true colours after 6 weeks and went ballistic when she challenged him, bombarding her with cruel and abusive messages. She blocked him.

A short time later DSis received a phone call from a friend of his who persuaded her that the guy was suffering some kind of breakdown and was actually a really nice person. She got back with him, keeping it quiet from friends and family as she knew we’d be upset.

They’ve been together a year (they do NOT live together). Classic emotional abuser - everything is her fault, becomes enraged over tiny things, begs forgiveness, gaslighting. He never pays for anything and she has also lent him a significant amount of money over the year.

Last night she asked for my help to get out of the relationship knowing that he will go ballistic when she breaks it off. But also to stop her wanting him - she craves his attention good or bad. She still wants to be with him but knows it has to stop.

What can I do to help her?

He sounds awful, do you think she'd be open to counselling?

The best way to deal with people like him is to block all avenues of contact. Tell her to write a list of all the bad things he did and said and how she felt at the time and tell her to refer back to it when she's having a weak moment.

@KylieKoKo counselling will be good for her, I agree. I just hope she is receptive to it.

@lyingwanker yes that's a great idea. I think she still has the disgusting and cruel emails he sent her. She went NC before but he found a way to snake back in. Hopefully will be better now she's being more open with me and so more accountable.

Thank you.