To feel a bit sad?

[LidlPanAuChoc]

Been with DP for four years, no children and overall we're very happy. We hardly argue and usually communicate well. He earns a lot more than I do. He earns approx £6k a month and I earn £1700. I've been slowly climbing the career ladder and studying at night school.

We split all household bills 50/50, with him usually contributing significantly more to holidays. He likes top notch holidays which I simply cannot afford.

Anyway, for his birthday I pay for a city break somewhere for us. We went somewhere last year which he loved so I asked him if he'd like to go again as the flights were cheap.

We've just been cleaning the kitchen together and we were joking about and he says "you have it good with me, I take you out a lot, I treat you and we go for dinner a lot" which we do, there's no disputing that but he earns 6k!

I replied "I do things for us too, I'm taking you away again remember" and he laughed and said "I spend the same amount as the flights, on a meal out for us!!"

The flights were £120, so they're cheap but I work so hard every day. I would rather him enjoy an experience in a city he loves rather than a gadget that would never be used.

I guess I just feel inadequate now and need to rant. I'd never say that

I wouldn't get married or have children with him

You shouldn't be splitting bills 50/50

He sounds mean

For context, it's not just the flights I'd pay for it would be the accommodation, fuel to airport, parking and spending money. I think it's in proportion with my wages and his

He sounds ungrateful and like he thinks he’s better than you because he can afford more.
He also sounds like he’s not very intelligent!

Ugh, he sounds awful, money obsessed and patronising

He doesn't sound like a nice man at all. Ungrateful and patronising. Kick him to the kerb. Take your best mate/sister/mum on the city break instead and have a ball.

I'd find that very patronising if I'm honest! How rude to point out he's paid the same for a meal for you both.. I bet if you did climb the career ladder and matched his salary he wouldn't be too pleased.. some men just had to feel so superior 🙄

When I met DH he earned way more than me. He had his own very successful business, I worked in a factory.
He paid for lots of nice things but if I paid he was more than happy and would never cast anything up.
I'm now a sham and he still would never bring money up.
Your DP sounds a nightmare to live with.

50/50

Really? And how much spending money do you each have left over after bills each month?

Its really upset me. I know if I say anything it'll be "a joke" but there was truth behind his words which makes it feel like it's a subliminal message that's showing his true feelings.

Last year was a huge struggle for me, I earned £17k and some months could barely put petrol in my car at the end of the month. I commuted 1.15 mins each way to get to work which cost a fortune in petrol (jobs in my field are sparse, so had to stay until I found something else) but I still saved what I could to take him away.

We have a small mortgage (he did put significantly more in the deposit than I) but I have about £700 left over and he has roughly £5k. His goes towards his savings, our holidays/meals/weekends and his hobby (restoring old, real airplanes).

Everything is split 50/50 household bills, groceries, things for the house and cleaning products.

My DH has at times out earned me and vice versa. At the moment he is pasting me in the wonga area.

Not once has he ever brought it to my attention, not even in a "light hearted" way.

Your one is an arse and has no respect for your efforts, and by association, no respect for you

He is actually financially abusing you. Household bills should be split proportionally.

Not a nice man. For fucks sake don't have children with him. And never ever be a SAHM with a man like this.

Not looking too good for a life "partner" is he ?

@AnyFucker I love how brutally honest your posts are, even if they hurt my feelings!

I feel really weird. I can't figure out if I'm sad or disappointed. I'm not a sensitive person either, I'm the first to take the piss out myself but this feels really unfair.

I am not the one hurting your feelings, love

I think if he realised he's genuinely upset me he would be mortified but there's just somethings that you know would be a bit close to the bone. This is one of them.

I know he's going to tell me I'm being mardy (midlands term for being sulky)

I would not split bills 50/50. You are not room mates. You are partners. He should understand that you can't afford to pay exactly the same as him and its not fair that you do.

It's because it is unfair.

Being "mortified" he upsets you but calling you mardy ?

Does not compute.

This midlands term....is it mainly directed at women ?

@AnyFucker No, just a term that is used to replace the word sulky. It's used with everyone - just general slang, I guess.

How do I even approach this? I'm really not a confrontational person and we almost never argue.

He sounds like a right ungrateful turd.

If he will be "mortified" you are upset by this then tell him in the same terms you have used here. Maybe don't use any of mine yet

Are you planning children in the future ? I strongly suggest you get this sorted now....or walk away and find a proper partner.

"You have it good with me" is a horrible thing to say even in jest. I'd be having very frank financial conversations on the back of this insight. It's quite worrying.

Eugh
Awful trait making someone feel shit about their earnings and reiterating how much they spend and earn on you as if you should be indebted and grateful

Nope. This set up you guys have scares the shit out of me much less. He does sound financially abusive. The minute you ever make more money than him...the shit will hit the fan in spectacular fashion.

I'm not into sulking so talk to him. Tell him how it made you feel. Split the bills better and if you are going to work long term sort it out. How bad would it be if you split from a person you fancy & love cause of money???

If they split, it wouldn't be down to op