Am I doing the right thing regarding DC

[PumpkinP]

Didn’t want to post in Aibu but did want to know what people though on this situation. I have 4 children with my ex. He is absent and has been for a few years (this is his choice). Anyway he has an older son who he also doesn’t have contact with. He always told me the mother had stopped contact and in my defence I was young and naive when I met him and he was my first relationship, so I took his word for it. I now realise that probably wasn’t the case since he now doesn’t bother with mine.

I was never allowed to speak about his child as he didn’t want me to, said it was too painful. Anyway at the time we were together I never told the children about this half sibling. I was reading something the other day which got me thinking about my children not knowing about the half sibling. I decided it would be best to tell them once they are older (adults probably) as my children (daughter especially) already struggles with not having a dad she doesn’t see. It seems pointless telling them as nothing will come of it and just seems like it will do more harm than good.

Just want to know if am doing the right thing waiting till They are older? Has anyone been in this situation and have any advice?

Anyone?

I disagree and would say tell them.

I grew up not knowing I had older half siblings. I was only told about them when my f died at age 17. I didn't know him either.

I feel like the whole extended family lied to me by omission. They should have told me.
I had contact with my f family and would go and stay with them regularly. No one told me. And I'm still pretty angry about it.

I know why my dm made that decision she thought she was doing the right thing because I was never going to have a relationship with them.

But actually I do have a relationship with my dbro kids although not my dbro

ITs something I really need to think about as like I said I feel it could do more harm than good. Dcs Are very effected by not having a father. Especially dd she’s always asking me to find her a new dad! Her words it’s so bad that when the door knocks for a delivery for example she asks me if the man is her new dad and she’s started calling teachers at the school “school dad” so I’m worried this could make it worse.