How much to compromise in a relationship?

[alwaysmovingforwards]

Hi, thought I'd put this one out there and get views from others.

When single we all tend to have a picture of our ideal partner: values, attributes, behaviours, parenting style, hobbies, world views, ambitions, emotional intelligence, sexual compatibility, looks, health etc etc.
In reality the 100% perfect partner probably doesn't exist? Even people that lived their partner argue and get pissed off with them now and again. Everybody has their flaws and must deviate from your ideals to a certain extent.

Question is, how much compromise have you or would you make? Even if you have an exceptional 9.5 at home, do you ever muse that a 10 might just be around the corner and hence refuse to 'settle'? Or is to never compromise a fast track to loneliness and too many cats??

Just want opinions from others really.

Do not compromise on essential values as they will inform all future behaviour and decision marking. Looks, profession, salary, meh, neither here nor there.

A lot of those characteristics are not priorities. Values, behaviours emotional intelligence and sexual attraction are important. That means you can disagree but not argue.

I’m afraid I worry a lot of people now look for someone who is in their self image. Someone who echos their views and opinions and enables them to live within narrow parameters. I don’t need my partner to be me or a facsimile of perfection as defined by me and mine.

I read in a teenager's book once (Judy Blume or Paula Danziger, probably)

"everyone has flaws. You just have to find someone whose flaws you can live with"

Start by not compromising on the values and worldview, followed by things like emotional intelligence and sexual compatibility (though I'm unconvinced how much of this is intrinsically A Thing) as well as certain aspects of behaviour. Hobbies and parenting "styles" shouldn't be much of a problem if you have the same values and attitudes.

My husband is not exactly what I was looking for, but the underlying foundation was sound. I'm pretty sure a lot of my friends thought I was compromising a bit too much.

Nearly three decades later, I'm still able to live with his annoying bits. We worked through the different ideas on parenting (I got my way on one thing but not on another) because our basic attitude to it was the same. He's taken on one of my hobbies and we've taken up an entirely new one together with our children.

I still think I made the correct decision, particularly when I look at the lives of some of our friends....

Wise words, thanks for your replies x