I must break my BF heart

[Tirnitis]

He is a good guy, but after 2,5 years I feel we are not compatible. I have tried to work through it, to compromise, to accept etc, but I feel like it is not going to work. Either I am unhappy because we live like he wants to or he is unhappy because we live like I want to. There seems to be no compromise. I must accept that neither of us cannot change and end it because I do not want to be unhappy in relationship and I do not want him to be unhappy.
But he will be devastated when I do it! He does not communicate much with his family, even less with his friends, he mostly relies on me. On the one hand, I know he will seek them out when he needs to, but will he? Maybe he will die in pain instead. He has been in three relationships previously (he is 29) and he says that he has been dumped every time (and even cheated on). How can I put him through so much pain again?
Yet, I know that as soon as one relationship has ended, he already found another one (between me and his previous relationship of 5 years was only one month...). He makes me feel like he is victim of life, but maybe he is? My head does not want to believe it, but my heart does. I feel like I do not respect him, rather I feel sorry for him and I care about him more like I would care about a lost child, although he is a grown man with full time job and is a decent person.
I know I cannot keep on going like this, it is unfair for both of us, but the thought of putting him through so much pain at once just makes me cry, I do not want to this to him :(

Please help, please talk some sense into me, please tell me he will be alright!

Breaking someone's heart, is unfortunately, a fact of life. So is having your heart broken. It's called life and the vast vast majority of people deal with it and move on.

He's still harking back to his as if it makes him somehow more a special 'victim' then everyone else. All poor me, I keep getting cheated on and dumped. Boo hoo. Yeah mate, you and everyone one else in the world!

But look how quickly he bounced back last time! One month. He's playing the everyone dumps me victim to emotional manipulate you into not dumping him. He's made himself seem dependent on you, to make you feel responsible for him. He'll survive, as he did before, and you'll turn into another meanie in his tale of woo and self pity.

You either break his heart, or you break your own by staying permanently attached to some you only feel pity for. How far will that pity take you: marraige, kids? The longer it leave this, the worse it will get. Rip the plaster off.

"But he will be devastated when I do it! He does not communicate much with his family, even less with his friends, he mostly relies on me. On the one hand, I know he will seek them out when he needs to, but will he? Maybe he will die in pain instead."
Ffs, don't be so dramatic.

I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want you to stay with him out of pity. Knowing that you don't even respect him, then you obviously must split up with him.

You are only responsible for your own behaviour and not for how he will react to your breaking-up. Just be firm and ensure he knows it is your final position on the matter.

If he suffers with MH issues or you truly are worried about him after you finish with him then perhaps contact his family and let them know the situation so that they can reach out to him.

He will be fine and you need to come to terms with the fact that you are not responsible for his happiness. You've wasted enough time with him already, just break up and block.

Either I am unhappy because we live like he wants to or he is unhappy because we live like I want to

Not sure what you mean, can you explain further?

He sounds needy, he relies on being 'with' someone and may also use emotional blackmail when you split. Which will be hard as you are already worried about him.

Someone needy never really knows how to love, they think it's love but it's attachment and that's how they move on again so quickly. These people tend to isolate themselves from friends and family thinking the only person they need is you. This adds to the hardship of breaking up. Quite often family and friends believe it's you that's isolated them, crazy isn't it. They realise eventually when it happens with numerous other girls too,

You with forever play the mother role. It's tiring.

You need to do what's right for you. Otherwise you'll have to spend your life like this. You see often that people with people like him end up cheating because they haven't that love but feel they can't go, that they are stuck and often need to meet someone else to have the push they need to go.

Be strong.

How can I put him through so much pain again?
You haven't done it before.
YOU did not put him through this pain before.
He has been dumped multiple times.
Maybe it's time he had a wake up call.
Why can't you both compromise on your relationship?
That is what they are about.
Why is he unhappy with your set up?
Why is he so reliant on you?
Why does he dump his friends and family as soon as a female appears?
He is too clingy and too needy.
He makes you unhappy.
So end it.
Sooner rather than later.
The longer you take the worse it will be.
Like a band aid - rip the plaster off!!!

Thing is it’s fine to end a relationship you don’t want to be in for whatever reason, You just don’t act like a bitch when you do it. You can end it and be decent.

He won’t die in pain I hate to break it to you but I doubt you are that great that he will die hurting over this. More likely after some time he will meet a woman that actually wants him.......

OP, I had my heart broken in the all-too-recent past.

Jesus christ it hurts.

But I am still here. And the heartbreak now only stings, rather than cuts.

He will be ok.

Every single romantic relationship we ever have ends in pain except the last one if we are very lucky. That's the reality of life.

Chances are he'll find someone new in a second because that's his MO.