Boyfriend talks about his ex

[SarahKin]

I did another post weeks ago but my ex following me to work and being stalkerish.
This is beginning to calm down now.

Anyway, i was video chatting to boyfriend of a few months last night and i had a call off a private number twice during it (he was using someone elses phone as ive blocked his). I then received an email off my ex saying he was trying to get in touch.

Whilst on video chat, i told boyfriend as were open with each other and basically told him i dont know what else to do.

Boyfriend then started talking about his ex girlfriend who he hasnt officially been with since 2017 and how if she ever found out he had a new girlfriend she would send him a message as when he was dating a girl last december she found out and sent him a message. Also, he tokd me how they were pkanning to meet for a coffee in march but it never happened.
He then proceeded to talk about how in july 2018 they were both out and drunk and had an argument and then after their argument tried to book a hotel room but none were available.
I dont get why i needed to know this

I told him how i'd be weirded out if another ex popped up and how it's been ages and we're in our 20s so she shouldnt need to pop up anymore. They were together 3 years so i understand she was a big part of his life but it's getting to me how often shes brought up.

I dont bring my ex up much, only really when he asks me if ive heard anything.

To add: i told boyfriend last night how we shouldnt speak about exes so much anymore as im finding it uncomfortable and he agreed and said he wont anymore

Sounds like he was being sort of competitive /get you jealous? I'd be giving him the side-eye.

Well to be fair you were talking about your ex.

I dont mind him bringing up his ex but i kind of didnt get why i needed to know about the hotel? Ive heard many stories of his ex but maybe im just sick of exes now because of my exes obession.
I brought ex up because he phoned midway through

Anyone?

The part that concerns me the most is when he said if his ex finds out he has a new girlfriend she will message him? What has it got to do with the ex if he has met someone else? Does he care what she thinks?

I’ve been in this situation before and ultimately it is what split us up, he told me that she would damage my car etc but this went on nearly 3 years. In the end I couldn’t trust him as I found him Facebook messaging her, told him to go back to her and packed my stuff.

Maybe he thinks you're trying to make him jealous so he's trying to do the same back?

Bit weird that he remembers when all these things happened though. I'd guess he's still holding out hope if they were still in contact almost 2 years after they split, and only a couple of months before you got together.

He did reassure me that its only because shes his only long term relationship that he brings it up,
He said last night he shouldnt have said the hotel thing but that he always says the wrong thing but doesnt mean it,
And that he only brought up the she'd probably message me because it's happened before but that that shouldnt matter because he'd always tell me if she did

But its just made me a bit uncomfortable

You talking about your ex probably makes him uncomfortable too.

Just change your phone number so your ex can't get in touch?

It probably does which is part of the reason i asked if we could not speak much abkut exes anymore because its getting boring to which he agreed,
He usually brings up my ex because my ex is currently obsessed whereas i like to keep exes in the past

He's trying to make you jealous. It was competitive - you brought your ex up because it was relevant but his reference to his ex was to prove that he too is equally desirable to his ex. Silly tit-for-tat games (on his part).

You new squeeze is shaping up to be the same thing as your ex.

Instead of supporting you when you are worried about a rotten person who won't leave you alone, he is banging on about his ex in a way that sounds designed to make you insecure.

It is never a good thing when people do this. It basically means they aren't a nice person. That is all there is to it. He isn't nice and he doesn't want good things for you.

I think you need to take a look at your dating choices here. Maybe read up on narcissists just incase you are attracting them and not noticing it because you don't know the signs.

Talking about a nasty ex can also encourage these sorts to become extra interested in us because they think ' hey she tolerated his shit so she will mine too'.

I did think last night whether he was purposely bringing it up to make me jealous, especially the hotel comment, why do i need to know his previous sex life before me and it wasnt even relevant to the conversation topic
I dont go out of my way to bring up my ex nor do i purposely make him jealous, i just bring up my frustrations of ex following me to work and harrassing me and asking for boyfriends advice.

@pinkbonbon your post hit a chord with me,
New boyfriend seems to adore me so i hope it's not the case of attracting a similar being

I'll will have a read about narcassists too thank you x

Check out narcissistic 'love bombing' (when they appear bessotted with you in the beginning) and 'mirroring' too maybe just incase. Hopefully it isn't that but you can never be to careful.

Thank you; it doesnt help that she seems drop dead gorgeous