Uneasy

[lightandshade]

I'm getting uneasy about my husband's attitude towards me. It's hard to explain but basically over the course of the year he is losing his patience and shouting at me over what I think is very little things but maybe I'm wrong?
So last night for example we was talking about popping out for some snacks, and I suddenly remembered the ironing for the uniforms hadn't be done so I said oh gosh we still need to do the ironing. Next minutes he's up shouting swearing at me calling me names saying how I give him lists, I said I didn't say who had to do it I just remembered that's all but he was mad at this point so I just went upstairs he continued to shout stuff but it was muffled.

He then says he does so much for me, and he does he isn't wrong he treats me well 90% of the time that's why I feel awful writing this but that 10% he is vile and I don't know how to make it better. It can be over the little thing like if I say something wrong he just loses it and you get get through to him.

He has never hit me but when he gets mad I'm ashamed to say I do get scared I'm just not used to

Am I being to delicate to it like I said most of the time he is brilliant.

Bump

You should NEVER feel scared of your husband or partner. He's shouting at you to keep you in line. He'll see it scares you and that gives him power over you. It could be the start of further abuse from him.

It is very unhealthy for your DC to live in a home where one parent is shouting at the other, and the other parent is scared.

Oh and it is not your place to make it better. It's his problem, not yours. It's his place to stop bullying you. Does he shout at colleagues at work? At people in the street? Or just you and possibly your DC?

Sorry no DC should of mentioned that, no he doesn't shout at anyone else well not to my knowledge, everyone thinks he's great and he is most of the time. I think what's got me feeling uneasy was when he said he does so much for me, I took it as that I should shouldn't be upset because he lost his temper because he's nice to.

I don't know I think I'm realising that is a problem

It is a problem. You must tell him he stops shouting at you for whatever reason or you're gone. And mean it. No matter how much he SAYS he does for you, it does not outweigh the nasty bullying shouting which is scaring you. Soon you'll be too afraid to say anything you may perceive as triggering to him, and that is no way to live.

It is a problem. He shouldn’t be shouting and swearing at you full stop, and you certainly shouldn’t be scared of your own husband.

I think you know how this post will go, so I’ll spare you the unhelpful LTB, but honestly, being verbally abused and feeling scared in your own home is not acceptable. I hope you won’t put up with it.

My ex was like this and it just got worse. Like you, for a long time I didn't think it was bad enough. Eventually it was. Everything was my fault and he was angry at me all the time. We do have kids though and it was me not wanting them to grow up thinking that was okay that made up my mind to end it. My experience was that we'd go through a cycle of worse times and then better but the worse times got worse every time. He wasn't physically violent but I think it's only knowing that he would get in trouble that stopped him. I know he wanted to hurt me. He should not be resentful of doing things for you. Either he wants to or he doesn't. If he doesn't then he needs to discuss it with you. If he does then he shouldn't be making you feel guilty or like you owe him.

I hope you're using reliable contraception. You don't want to have a child with this guy.

He sounds unreasonable verging on abusive, sorry.