Midlife crisis

[bonnie66]

My partner of over 29 years has said he loves me but isn’t in love with me and after 2 months of being verbally abusive to me has moved out . We both have debts and he wants to sell the new house we just moved into last year .I am heartbroken. We have three dependant children one of whom has autism and when I told him he would be making us homeless his answer was They’ll survive. I don’t have enough money to buy a house as I was financially dependent on him .I have supported him through uni 3 times and feel now he is on his big salary he has decided he wants to be on his own and live a single life. There are bad memories in this house. On the day we moved in his auntie died and I said some irrational things whilst going through the menopause.7 months ago he said to me that if anything happened to me he wouldn’t want anyone else .Ive told him I would work full time to clear the debts but he’s not interested. I will only get CSA for the next few years as my kids are older.He is a deputy head teacher and is emotionally detached and refusing to acknowledge how this is upsetting me and the kids

Gosh that is awful. So selfish. So so selfish. Op I don’t want to make matters worse but could there be somebody else? His heartless attitude is just so awful and emotionally removed....

He’s not going to give you what you need. Are the debts from him going through Uni? If yes, then they are his to pay off. Not yours. He’s checked out so you now need to stay strong. Don’t beg. You need urgent legal advice. Go see a solicitor tomorrow. Don’t agree to anything or sign anything until you’ve done that

What a heartless man! Get legal advice, I'm assuming you have been the main carer for your son with autism all this time whilst he's been off studying and suchlike..! I'd be surprised if he gets to keep his fat salary and skip off and leave you debt like this. Agree with PP he's checked out get legal advice quick sharp and turn this situation round on him.

Ive no money to see a solicitor

So sorry to hear, I went through similar, are you married?

@bonnie66 get yourself an appointment with citizens advice who offer free advice which will help get you on the right track. Is he just hoping you'll roll over and do nothing!! What about the house? Maintenance? Let's not forget you've pretty much cared for the children whilst he's been studying and advancing his career..!

No unfortunately so won’t get any of his pension either.Feel totally shafted

Ok, this is utterly shit and unfair but you can and will get this sorted. Tell him its clear he wants a divorce so fine. Sit down with him and a piece of paper and all the relevant financial info, mortgage, equity, debts etc. Present it as taking practical steps to facilitate what he wants but show him in clear figures what this involves. Ask what he envisages re childcare, contact with the kids. Don't accept a vague shrug and be clear that you will not move out or agree to sell the house until he gets involved in these solutions. Prrsuming the house is in both your names you arent completely shafted here despite not bring married but i think if its possible yiu should look at gaining employment asap. If that means he has tp do more childcare, so be it. He cant expect you to be financially independent and care for the kids but not want you to work. Good luck

This is a place you can go to for free legal advice
rightsofwomen.org.uk/

Also, call round all of your local solicitors. Most do a free half hour. Go and get as much free advice as you can. Are the debts in your name? Where did the debt come from?