Situation at DH work. Would you believe him in circumstances?

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I have NC for this but am regular. Gluezilla, poo pouffe, tiny wanker etc.

Background is DH cheated about 10 years ago and I had my suspicions about another situation approx 8 years ago which he swears blind was innocent. Afaik no other incidents.

There is a new person in his office who has been heavily implying something has either happened with DH or she wants something to happen. I found out about her through a mutual friend. DH hadn't told me. He swears it's entirely innocent on his part, that this woman is nuts and a female friend who works in his office says the same, she knows the woman and says she's capable of lying to this extent and she believes DH is innocent too. I don't think she would lie for him but can't be sure. She is definitely more his friend than mine although we do get on well.

Would you believe (or be able to believe) you DH in those circumstances?

I'm sorry she's been heavily implying to whom?

To other colleagues. DH says he didn't know this.

I'm sorry, but how do you know this, do you work with him? Have his colleagues told you?

Mutual friend who works with him. He mentioned it off the cuff while drunk and then DH had to fill me in on the rest. He said he didn't tell me because there was nothing to it. I want to believe him but not sure if I'm being stupid.

DH and this woman are teachers in the same school. I teach but elsewhere.

The most important question is whether or not you trust your DH. Nobody else can tell you that really, but the fact you are asking means you have doubts ... what does your instinct say?

No, I wouldn't put my trust in him.

He's definitely cheated on you once, possibly twice.

You'll never really know I guess... which brings it round to you. What do you want? After all this time, does something like this popping up make you think you might call it a day? Clearly, you don't trust him when the chips are down, which is absolutely fair enough.

Make it about you and not him, not least as you'll never get to the bottom of this - just like 8 years ago, it sounds.

My instinct is that he's telling the truth but I'm not sure if I can look at the situation totally objectively. I so much want to believe him I don't know if that's clouding my judgement.

I would believe him, but also sit tight watching if something crops up I wouldn't make it my life though so relax for time being and play it by ear

3 "situations" including one confirmed affair (how long did that go on for?) that you know of and who is the common denominator?

What did he do to actively regain your trust after the affair if anything? I suspect very little if you had reason to be suspicious again a mere 2 years later.

Did you tell him which behaviours made you suspicious? In which case he may just be consciously avoiding those behaviours and generally being more careful so that you don't discover anything.

Women generally aren't open with others about a flirtation/attraction unless they've been given a clear indication there's interest from the other party especially at work as they're not only risking embarrassment but being professionally compromised.

I say there's no smoke without fire, from what you say quite honestly I think you need to be prepared to discover

1 he's having an affair with this latest colleague

2 that he's been having affairs pretty much most of your relationship

How did you find out about the affair?

I re-read your OP. There's a huge difference between the new person implying that something has happened with your DH and that she'd like it to. Which is it?

How can you trust him? You can't really based on his track record. I wouldn't believe a friend from work who likely does not know the full story. Also, why is it always the woman that is "nuts"?! I'm inclined to think something is going on.
I have to ask though..what is it about your relationship that you'd live with being forever wary and suspicious of him cheating?
Fuck that!

What makes you think he’d risk it again 8/10 years later OP?
If your initial instinct is to trust him, then trust him, let it go and see what happens, else you’re just wasting your life wondering what if all the time.

No, I wouldn’t believe him.

He has form for cheating on you (with colleagues even!!) and you’ve heard it from multiple sources. The people defending him aren’t ‘mutual friends’ — they’re HIS friends.

Even the fact that you have to come on here and ask shows you’re worrying about him, and what he’s capable of. Unfortunately, I think you already know.

No

"this woman is nuts"

Massive red flag. Standard cheater line, only coming second to "my wife doesn't understand me". Divide women by telling them that the other woman is "nuts" or their wife is a b*tch and the cheater can carry on their own sweet way, manipulating both women.

You don't trust your trust in him because you know you desperately want to believe him. That nagging doubt is what is telling you the truth though.

How likely is it that a woman spreads a totally unfounded rumour about herself and a married colleague round her workplace for shits and giggles vs how likely is it that a seasoned cheater is at it again?

Sounds a bit weird but if he’s given you no other reason to not trust him I’d trust my DH over some random women

Agree there is a huge difference between they are having an affair or she is interested in him. Which is it do you know?

@MadameButterface makes a very good point.

Never mind all this did he/didn't he shit

Have a good think about whether you want to live your life this way. Never being able to relax, never having peace of mind.

He brought this dustrust to your door by his previous actions. You should never have brushed what he did under the rug.

You have a choice. Accept he shattered the trust a long time ago and accept you will always pay the price. Or decide you are better than this.

*distrust

What @anyfucker said. You’ll never fully trust him. His fault. You want to live like that? It’s exhausting.

This is your reality if you stay with him - not really knowing what he’s up to or what to believe. You either accept this or leave.