Divorce - EA/FA/unreasonable behaviour (help)

[FantaIsFine]

Hi,

Posting on behalf of oldest friend. Have done so some months ago, but the situation has moved on a bit.

I know she can speak to CAB (and will) but any past experience or advice would be amazing.

She has served divorce papers on him after years of unhappiness; when I say FA I mean that he has been massively controlling in terms of any spend and that cash isn't "family money" but for him to decide all spend. [She's a dickhead for not knowing but she has absolutely no idea where they stand in terms of mortgage or income].

He won't move out, but she is earning a very small amount and being excluded from use of any other household income. However, there is not as yet any form of financial arrangement and he is moving very slowly to facilitate any resolution. Financial disclosure is still outstanding and IMO likely to be untrue anyway. He won't leave the house, or even the marital bed - she has had to.

How does someone get rid of a husband who won't go? Who in theory is supporting "the household" but not? She has legal advice, but the situation is miserable and she doesn't even have food provided for by him although the children do.

Thanks in advance,

Fanta

Goodness, it sounds like a very difficult situation. I myself have experienced financial abuse and it is utterly, utterly miserable so your friend has my absolute sympathy.

In practical terms I think the only way to force him out of the house would be via an occupation order which would exclude him from the home. I believe this is usually granted in cases where there is a threat of violence or harm so she'd need to take legal advice on that. If he won't go voluntarily she'd have to make her case legally to exclude him from the home (as miserable as that would be for her).

Financial abuse is more common that people realise and it can be incredibly difficult to leave a financially abuse partner. If you are a 'joint owner' of a property or you have a beneficial interest in a property it can mean you are not eligible for legal aid or social housing (as in my case). You say she has legal advice, is that her own solicitor? How is she funding it?

I think the immediate concern here is food. Is she going without food? If so, it absolutely is not acceptable for her to be going hungry and depriving someone of something as basic as food is serious. Could she go to the police? Coercive control is criminal offence and it certainly won't hurt her case for an occupation order to have this down on record.

She needs to start financial remedy proceedings as soon as possible. Don't bother mediating with him, it'll be a waste of time.

Thanks so much CodyBurns,

Interesting you mention coercive control, neither of us had ever heard of it before and it came up yesterday from someone else before your post!!!

No, she's not going without food altogether and thankfully has enough support to prevent that were it that extreme, but he is deliberately excluding her - previously she would shop, but now he's doing it to retain control. Lawyer is family funded. Yes she doesn't believe she would be eligible for those things, but it's worth a try.

Never heard about an occupation order either. Definitely one to raise with solicitor.

Really appreciate your feedback and thanks again,

Fanta