Need advice

[Zappy50]

Hi I have been married for 30 years and have 5 grow up kids. 3 years ago my dh suffered ptsd and sought counselling. Since then he has been distant from me. He obsessively goes to the gym. He said he wanted me to lose weight which I did and to get a job (was previously a SAHM and then foster CARER)... which I did and now he complains that the house is always messy. He also complained that I was boring in bed so I have recently become more active in pleasing him. Despite this he seems to have lost interest in sex and me. We never go out or even sit and chat. When we do talk it will be to argue. I am feeling down all the time. I feel I can do nothing right.

What does he do for you or the family?

He helps out now and again with tidying, hoovering etc. He doesn't really spend time with the kids.

It's all about him....
What about what you'd like HIM to do for you!

And he can't HELP OUT because it isn't your job. You're now working, so chores should be 50/50.

Write a list of all chores in a week/month and have him select his half to do.

Wtaf. A marriage is a partnership, which means two way street, not one way with one person doing all the pleasing. Time you stood your ground.

You're not his toy. You're not here to jump whenever he clicks his fingers.

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

He helps out? He lives there doesn't he? You should be sharing and dividing the chores, not him merely 'helping out'.

He doesn't really spend time with the kids? What is the point of him being there? Why are you dancing around changing your whole life according to his whims and fancies?

It hasn't improved him has it?

3 years is a very long time to be in that situation. Relationships fluctuate and some periods can be rubbish but that doesnt look like a period anymore.. looks like the new reality. You are hoing to have to stand up and put your cards on the table...

He sounds like an absolute gem, whiny man child. Maybe he needs to hear that.
What has he done to help the situation, flowers, dinner, taking responsibility, organising counselling?
Sounds like he needs to find a hobby or maybe get involved with his own family.
Those who do nothing get nothing.

He never takes me out or buys flowers gifts etc. If I complain he says I am ungrateful. I know I should just be rid of him but it's hard after sharing so much of your life with someone. I spent the 1st 2 years crying and feeling sorry for myself but now I am doing stuff for me and concentrating on making me happy. I just wanted to check if it was normal behavior for a man of 50+ or not. U all confirmed that it is not... Thank you.