Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you rekindle this friendship?

9 replies

geomtric · 20/10/2019 10:10

Would you get back in touch with a friend who lied to you a few times enough to hurt you that you ended up nc?

Perhaps my friend won't want contact either now but I'm thinking to get back in touch. I miss her a lot she was one of my closest friends.
When she lied she was in an abusive relationship and I think she partly lied to help her circumstances, so I am trying to separate if it was circumstance or just plain her that ended up with her lying to me, I felt betrayed at the times.
FWIW we'd been friends 17 years and has been 2 since we last spoke.

OP posts:
IdiotInDisguise · 20/10/2019 10:12

it depends... what kind of lies?

geomtric · 20/10/2019 10:50

Things like she ended up with a guy with a lot of money. She would buy tickets to events and say come to this event with me and because she'd come out with me and then say pay me half in cash. I only went as she'd not been able to go out for a long time due to complications with her dc and I tried to be a friend. I used to say don't buy tickets ask me first as she wasn't with this guy for long time and living effectively as a single mum on benefits at the time so I'd say we probably shouldn't be going to as many events as it costs so much etc anyway turned out her bf was paying for everything including me and she was taking the money from me in cash but not telling me that bit. She'd then go shopping with me and buy silly things like spend £100 on a candle and so I felt used. I also never knew exactly the price of a ticket as she always held them so I wasn't sure if she was also 'overcharging' me.

The money Id out laid was well into £100's and I didn't even want to go to all of these events but thought it was nice she was able to go out once again and I did tell her this.

The other things she'd do was I would invite her out with a group of my friends and she would then arrange something with the same and not.invite me. Looking back I wonder if she was taking money off of them but I've never said anything. I just wonder maybe she was desperate at the time as she did eventually split up with the bf after we fell out. Or maybe I'm delusional and she was just a user. Or maybe IBU by accepting to go etc.

OP posts:
lolaflores · 20/10/2019 10:57

Too much resentment here. I think getting touch again would really be you trying to settle grievances which 8 understand but this one sound toxic

AngusThermopyle · 20/10/2019 11:01

Nope.

Innishh · 20/10/2019 11:09

Well she hasn’t come to you to apologise has she?

Shocking behaviour to financially exploit her boyf and her bestf - and then manipulate and exclude you from your own friendship group.

Way too toxic this one. Keep away. Would also look at yourself and ask why you hung on so long being treated so badly and why you want to go back for more?

contrary13 · 20/10/2019 12:11

No. I'd leave it well alone - she fleeced you, and regardless of whether she was depressed, had other issues going on at the time, in all probability, she knew exactly what she was doing. To you, to her boyfriend, and even though you've never asked, most likely to your other friends who she suddenly tried to 'Wendy' you over.

I do understand where you're coming from, though. I had a friend whom I'd known since the first day at school. And although she didn't fleece me for 100s of pounds... she did decide that I was no longer "good enough" to be friends with her. Not once, but twice - the second time was because she'd approached me outside the school our oldest children were attending, three years after she'd ghosted me and claimed that she'd been depressed; could I ever forgive her and be friends again? I fell for it. Within 3 years, she'd repeated her behaviour. And losing her friendship - both times - hurt like hell. But it also taught me that I didn't need someone so toxic and messed up in my life. I knew too much about her, she was probably anxious I'd inadvertantly drop her in it at some point, so... I was dropped and ignored, as though I didn't matter.

But I do matter. As do you, OP. You need to understand that the old adage "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" stands. If you re-establish a friendship with this woman, can you honestly say that you'd feel able to trust her 100%? That you wouldn't have niggles of doubt if, say, she were to invite you somewhere, or spend a small fortune on a candle, that she wasn't up to her old tricks again? It'll eat away at you, if you do. And that's not a basis for friendship.

Move on, OP: make friends who won't steal your money from you!

IdiotInDisguise · 20/10/2019 13:22

Honestly OP, I would stay way away. Everytime I have re open the door to a CF, I always end up regretting a lot.

geomtric · 20/10/2019 16:04

Thank you I think you're telling me what I already knew. It's obviously not so nice to have had to cut a friend off but I do also think this shouldn't have happened

OP posts:
MangoSalsa · 20/10/2019 17:27

Don’t bother. These things never work out.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.