To see him again or not?

[movingonishard]

But of a dating dilemma...
Have had 2 dates with a guy I met online. First was just a quick drink, second was a meal. The meal was a few days ago and we’ve been texting since and he said how much he enjoyed it. He seems quite reserved compared to most people I’ve met. I asked what he thought about meeting again and he said he really enjoyed it but thought he’d know if I was “the one” after 2 dates and he doesn’t! I said I thought it would be unusual to be especially we met online. He said he’s worried about wasting my time if I’m not the one! He wants to know if I want to meet again & wants me to give ideas of what I’d like to do.
Not really sure about this - any thought?

Oh god no that sounds way too intense for 2 dates! And 'the one'? Is he high? Bin him off. Way too many expectations.

Haha, I know what you mean! I meant to add he’s completely new to online dating whereas I’m not !!!

That would massively put me off.

It varies, some people do think they’ve found someone really special with possible longevity after a date or two! I know I certainly felt that way the first couple times I had dates with the men I ended up in serious relationships with.

But I suspect this is just his clumsy way of saying he didn’t feel a spark and wasn’t that into it and doesn’t fancy meeting again, probably thinks it sounds a bit kinder to say ‘well, don’t think this has met my incredible high soulmate for life bar’ than ‘meh, just not feeling it sorry’.

Either that or he’s one of those who wants you to chase him and be on the back foot trying to seek his approval.

Anyway if a guy sent me this I’d just laugh and say yeah fair play, good luck on your search, and think little more of it.

I'd say no thanks

Yes, I’m sort of find it slightly amusing now- I’ve been on lots of dates and never heard anything like it!!!
I think maybe he’s doesn’t have much get up and go, etc. He wanted me to book the restaurant table, didn’t offer to pay ( which I might add i don’t mind at all as I always offer to pay half) and didn’t offer to talk to a taxi with me.

• walk to a taxi

Whoah! He didnt offer to go Dutch? Are you kidding?

Bin him. Immediately.

He is NOT new to OLD.

What a twat.

Err, no.
It reminds me of my second date years ago when the guy told me he was looking for someone to have 5 kids with.
I hadn't even finished my meal! I proceeded to squeeze a lemon onto my plate, the juice ricocheted up into my eye which reduced my body movements and attractiveness to Basil Fawlty standards. We never went on a third date. For him, it was the lemon. For me, it was the unplanned parenthood talk.

When the 'this is weird' alarm goes off, you just know. Why flog a dead horse?

Sorry that wasn’t clear about paying! He didn’t offer to pay the whole bill. I wouldn’t have accepted but the majority of men do offer on date 2. To be clear, I don’t expect a man to pay, it was just another thing different from my usual dates.

He’s taken the fun of early dating away now too! I The mention of the “one” after date 2 😩

Wow, this happened to me as well! I wonder if its the same bloke?! We had three dates and he said he wasnt sure if I was 'the one' but still messaged me and really gave out mixed messages. I was confused! I think he was hedging his bets which is so common with OLD as so much choice! Anyway, as he wouldn't give me a straight answer, I told him to forget it.

Caramel I wonder if he was the same one!!!

Oh fuck that, he's saying you're not the woman for him but he wouldn't mind a go on you.

I would message him and say "sorry I get the feeling you are definitely not the one for me, best of luck" and block.
He is basically telling you he's not really feeling it but doesn't want to cut his losses just yet (in case no-one better comes along).
A decent person would keep that info to themselves until they were sure, and then break things off.

I dont think he is interested in you.

What I dont think that largely women appreciate is how many males on OLD are actually narcs.

OLD is so dangerous! If I could wave a magic wand and remove it, believe me, I would. Men use OLD as a numbers game. This is why you get utterly nonsensical statements such as 'I know if we are ok to be together by date 2'.

From their POV, they DO know if it's the right person. But the right person for one of these makes us how quickly they can get narc supply or fuel flowing. Believe me, they can pick it out so quickly.

NPD is out of control. Its behind all DA and DV. Now we have a situation where women who want to date are using these websites which are rammed full of predators.

OP You've had a very lucky near miss.

A couple

Thanks for all the replies! I’ve told him I don’t want to meet again. Got a polite reply back and a thank you for my honesty!

I wouldn't bother. Sounds like he was on the road out.
More than likely he'll waste your time & you'll be no further forward.

Don’t bother. Sounds like a headcase.