When do you know enough is enough?

[snackarella]

Together 6 years and 2 kids aged 2 and 4

He's caring and works very very hard all hours and I'm a stay at home mum.

When things get stressful he's verbally abusive, says nasty things and then eventually apologies while making out it was a bit my fault for doing xyZ.

It's been getting more frequent as we have a stressful thing going on in our lives related to his elder daughter
It's not in front of children yet but I worry it will escalate and I'd rather try and avoid it

When you do you decide that's it's better to just leave and break up a family than carry on?

Anyone?

When they become abusive in any way and tried to turn it round on you for their actions, just like you listed above.
Being stressed isn't a reason to be abusive, there is never a reason to be abusive.

He won't change.
He's given himself permission to be a verbally abusive arse&%&$.
You need to calmly in the right place and time (not the middle of a tirade) call him out on it.
I'm betting you are a person who doesn't like confrontation and he's taking advantage of this.
You don't have to be angry/loud to deal with this. But don't let it escalate. The key is picking your own time to talk and standing your ground calmly when he tries to make it a blaming/shoutfest.

This sounds quite nasty if I'm honest. Snaps at you, apologises but then tells you why it's your fault he snapped.

Point this out and see what sort of response you get.. then you'll have your answer