This has been going on a long time so I'll try and keep it short. I have been with my husband nearly 10 years but married only 3 we have two children 3 and 6. Almost right from the beginning there were red flags in this relationship, he has been emotionally, mentally and physically abusive. It started off with him being angry if I ever wanted to do anything without him. If I ever went out with friends he would question me non stop about where I was and what went on. To put it in Perspective He is hugely insecure and left a previous relationship with a young child so that we could be together. We were young and I regret the way we handled things then.
It would initially start with blazing rows about me seeing friends and moved on to include him questioning me daily about men in work, convinced that they were 'looking at me or fancied me' even though I have never given any other man a second glance. I was besotted with him and almost found it funny and cute that he clearly cared so much for me. It started to ruin everywhere we went he would point out people looking at me and then be cross with me, he would judge what I wore and made it clear if anything made him feel uncomfortable. He alienated my family causing rows or making it clear why we shouldn't spend time with them, he would sulk a lot and not get involved in activities. He would question me until I was in tears about past relationships. He started on and off being physical if we were arguing about me going out and I wanted to stand firm about seeing friends he would start pushing and shoving if I tried to exit a conversation or stand my ground. He punched the chair I was sat on in anger and caught my foot and ended up damaging my toenail so that it fell off. He has pushed and pulled and ripped clothes off me in anger, he's hit me round the face in an argument he's thrown things broken things and intimidated me by getting in my face and towering over me. After each incident he would be in tears and begging my forgiveness and giving all the reasons why It happened or how what I'd said had made him do it. Most of this behaviour was pre kids. After our first child he seemed to calm a little (physically anyway) and do everything he could to help me. He compliments me constantly almost too much to make me feel uncomfortable. We've had rows about our sex life about it not being enough and needed to be more frequent. I have felt under pressure to do it anywya because he would point out that he has needs and it's almost my duty to meet them. About 18 months ago I finally cracked after years of suffering this behaviour I had to go away overnight for work and he kicked off and didn't want me to go. He ended up agreeing to it providing I arrive and go straight to the hotel and have room service and not meet up with any colleagues. After this issue I sought councilling as I felt so low and unhappy. I only had a few sessions but it helped me see the situation for what it was and that I had a choice. I told him enough was enough and if he didn't change we would split. He sees a councillor about a few things... he had cancer when he was 24 and it messed him up, they also discuss his son that he doesn't see very much, but he had never mentioned our relationship. I pushed him to talk about it. I arranged couples councilling and he walked out in the 2nd session and refused to go back. I have withdrawn from him completely and have had little to no physical intimacy which greatly infuriated him. I sit here now at 3am writing this because last night i finally told him it was over and he ran at a window trying to put his head through it. Horrifically I'm trying to pull him away from hurting himself and my daughters witness it. It isn't the first time I've been terrified I threaten to call the police if he didn't leave I grabbed the kids who by this time are distraught and I try to leave but he locks the door and tells me Im overreacting and I'm scaring the children. The kids are confused and he asks them if he's scaring them and my eldest said no through floods of tears. I feel horrific but shaking with fear. I end up feeling it's safer to put the kids to bed as normal and he wants to talk. I don't want him anywhere near me and I text my dad who comes over. When my husband finds out I asked my dad over he says I should have called the police as this will not end well for my dad. My dad being ex Military comes in and comforts me and calmly approaches my husband and stays a couple of hours talking calmly about the facts that I clearly want out. Husband refuses to leave the house and I allow him to stay just as it's the only possible option right now. I go to bed only to be woken at 2am with him sobbing saying sorry and I should forgive him and how can I give up on our marriage. I tell him repeatedly I'm finished and i can't do it anymore I stick to my guns and he talks around me on and on repeating the same thing not taking no for an answer. I go downstairs and leave him in the bedroom sobbing his heart out. I'm so scared about what will happen now. I'm not going to give in I'm done but he says this is his house too and he won't leave it. How can I get him out so I can feel safe here in my own house? I need some help I feel trapped.