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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is he lying?

50 replies

Lyingtwat · 19/10/2019 16:48

Myself and my dh are living together with dc but are seperate, we have not shared a bed in 7 months and are slowly headed towards divorcing.
He doesnt want to really but agrees that it's probably for the best.
Anyway, so we are on holiday which we booked a year ago with children, we decided to still come as we booked it with friends and their dc..we got to the apartment and one of the bedrooms is unusable.
We decided we would be fine to sleep in the queen size bed together.
First night was fine, he stayed on his side e on mine.
Second night I wake up to find him fo sling me down there..I was dead asleep, my instinct was to grab his hand and shout and ask what the fuck he was doing? I punched him in his arm as I was beyond furious, he just said what? What's up? I told him if he touched me again I'd rip his arm off..
Both dc kind of woke up so I got them back to sleep and went to sleep myself.
In the morning he claimed not to remember a thing and that he was asleep and must've moved his arm over by accident.
He keeps saying this over and over and swearing blind he wasnt doing anything
If he was asleep then how did he find my clit and start rubbing?
Is he lying?

OP posts:

JacquesHammer · 20/10/2019 11:58

Occam’s Razor at its finest.

He’s lying OP to cover the fact he sexually assaulted you.

Are you ok?

leomama81 · 20/10/2019 12:00

Tell him to sleep on the sofa. He has forfeited any right to share the bed by sexually assaulting you.

Windygate · 20/10/2019 12:07

Why is one of the bedrooms unusable? I'd be doing what I could to make it usable and letting him sleep in it.

JacquesHammer · 20/10/2019 12:09

I'd be doing what I could to make it usable and letting him sleep in it

Or indeed telling him to sort it himself so he has somewhere to sleep.

CupoTeap · 20/10/2019 12:25

How's it going op?

Windygate · 20/10/2019 12:29

JacquesHammer excellent point

Original poster

Lyingtwat · 20/10/2019 16:27

It's not usuable because the window doesnt shut, theres bed slats missing and the bed itself looks disgusting, the apartment itself is a nightmare but that's another story/thread.
DP is not getting the hint he keeps saying I'm being stubborn when he tries to hold my hand and I resist.
The fact we haven't slept in the same room or been like a couple in 7/8 months hasn't been enough of a hint that I'm not interested.
Hes making me feel suffocated.
I've told him we will discuss what happened once were home because I need to have a nice holiday for my childrens sake.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lyingtwat · 20/10/2019 16:29

Hes not going to leave me alone and its making me anxious but I've got to keep my shit together for the next few days

OP posts:

RandomMess · 20/10/2019 16:30

Bluntness100 · 20/10/2019 16:30

Were you not wearing pyjamas?

Original poster

Lyingtwat · 20/10/2019 16:32

I was wearing a nightie and my knickers, his hand was over the top of my knickers not inside.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 20/10/2019 16:40

Then you need to find alternate sleeping arrangements, and you need to tell him seriously it can't ever happen again.

Mum4Fergus · 20/10/2019 18:00

What does the OPs choice of nightwear have to do with anything?!

Bluntness100 · 20/10/2019 18:21

Because if she'd went to bed naked he could have seen it as an invitation, even though it would still be very wrong, why do you bloody think?

Original poster

Lyingtwat · 21/10/2019 21:30

Update: hes fed me cannabis chocolate tonight.
We had been out with the children in the main town centre, he went off on his own for a bit, we walked home together.
He made me a cup of tea after the kids went to bed and put some chocolate on the plate, I ate a massive chunk and drank tea, it tasted a bit weird, but they have weird flavoured desserts here anyway so I ate more but then smelt it and realised what it was.
I asked him and he didnt deny it and said yep i went into the cannabis shop earlier and thought you'd like it?!
Why the fuck would he give it to me without telling me what it was? I may have tried a bit anyway if he told me but why keep it from me?
This isn't like him..is he trying to drug me or am I just being paranoid?
I'm not even sure cannabis in chocolate can get you very high can it? I'm not a cannabis user so I have no idea.
Hes not a drinker or smoker so no idea why he'd want to try it, I mean if someone else was having some I might try a tiny bit to taste it but it's not something either of us would ever buy.
Hes being very strange this holiday and I just want to go home now.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 21/10/2019 21:36

I strongly suspect he is hoping to successful in raping you tonight when you were stoned...

I'm sure any caring feelings towards him have now utterly vanished!

Bluntness100 · 21/10/2019 21:37

Op, just go to bed, sleep some where seperate. It won't hit your system for about two hours.

And he's being abusive. You can't feed someone drugs without their knowledge. Can you confide in someone there you need to sleep protected?

Original poster

Lyingtwat · 21/10/2019 21:41

I dont even think there was enough to make me stoned, I dont feel anything..i think.
It's just so weird I dont know what's going on in his head.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 21/10/2019 21:44

Could he be trying to set you up as an unfit mother that drinks and does weed!

Original poster

Lyingtwat · 21/10/2019 21:44

I'm sleeping next to my daughter and hes in the other room so I dont think theres any chance of him doing anything to me.
I dont want to tell my friend or her dh because I feel I'd be making a mountain out of a molehill

OP posts:

onthecoins · 21/10/2019 22:01

Can't you have the kids in with you and tell him he's sleeping in their bed?

willloman · 21/10/2019 22:22

gruesome, assault without your consent. of course he knew what he was up to! next time kick him in the *&^% and claim it was an involuntary leg spasm...

leomama81 · 21/10/2019 23:03

I doubt it's about setting you up as an unfit mother, no one is going to come to that conclusion because you ate a bit of cannabis chocolate on holiday. Seems more likely he was hoping it might help him with his advances. Anyway it is a very strange and very wrong thing to do, he's spiked you!

I really don't think you would be making a mountain out of a molehill at all to tell your friends what has been going on, it is terrible OP. When are you going home?

nedflandereses · 22/10/2019 00:40

Wtf. I'd be telling the police and my friends. He assaulted you and now he's drugged you.

Iooselipssinkships · 22/10/2019 09:31

Please note the following may be triggering... Would he have done the same if he slept next to a guy? These men that claim they can't remember or do things in their sleep never seem to do it when in bed with a male friend, unless we just don't hear about it.
Sorry OP I think he's lying and I've been there myself and it's shit. My ex used to ejaculate on me while I was asleep, usually into my bum and when I'd go to the toilet I would think I had some sort of unusual discharge. He then got off on telling me. I didn't sleep much after then.

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