First night out since split...

[LuckyBug89]

So about 3 weeks ago I posted about having my ExP being arrested after attacking my child and myself. My DM has kindly offered to babysit for a few hours tonight so I can go out with a couple of friends. I am trying to reconnect with my life before I let ExP isolate me from everyone.

However...as it gets closer to going out I can feel my blood pressure rising and I am so anxious. I haven't been out with my ExP since we got together over 4 years ago and I am genuinely starting to panic.

I thought I was going ok until now. I have sorted out all the practical things (house, finances, work, childcare) but this has floored me. I am tempted to cancel. Am I pushing myself too hard to get my life back? I thought this would be the easy part of getting the "old me" back.

Not sure why I am posting, guess it's because all the people I talk to in person just say "stop being silly" and "you will be fine" (super helpful and supportive advice I am getting there).

You're not being silly!

You don't want to push yourself and you end up taking 10 steps back but equally you don't want to put things off & it becomes a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Do your friends know you're feeling apprehensive? You could let them know that you may want to leave early or go somewhere a bit quieter.

Take it at your own pace & do what's right for you. Maybe only plan to stay out for an hour, you might surprise yourself & enjoy being out.

You poor thing. If it's making you panic then there is no need to push yourself too much. It's really, really soon and you're still understandably totally shaken.

Can you do something else nice if a night out is making you anxious? Meal and a couple of drinks with a friend?

I always find in these situations that I dread I'll get upset and want to go home but feel obliged to stay out, if that makes sense.

So I f going out and having to be social is too much then even a night in with your mum, your favourite takeaway and your favourite movies. Bottle of wine and lots of laughing?

Hope you're ok, well done for being so brave - make sure you're looking after yourself

Ps my favourite mates are the ones who say fuck it off if you don't want to go! People are trying to be nice I knew but don't be persuaded to think you're silly. Your feelings are valid and the last thing you need now is anxiety! And tbh this early on on it's danger zone this soon for getting really pissed, crying and feeling shit the next day!

You're not going out on the pull; you're simply going to have a change of scene and spend some time with a couple of friends, and this should be a much needed and welcome brief break to your usual routine after all you've done and gone through in recent months.

You're not obligated to spend the whole evening with your friends and can leave any time you want, but I suspect that once you get chatting you'll start enjoying yourself and any anxiety you had about going will disappear.

Maybe have a small to settle your nerves while you're getting ready and try to look forward to the evening ahead - it's not a trip to the dentist so relax and enjoy yourself.