This is the first time I have posted, so not too sure if I am doing this right.
I left my ex-partner when I was pregnant with my little boy (now 4). I was in an abusive relationship and for the past two years have been involved in court proceedings with him relating to the kids. As a result of this and all that went before it, I have been diagnosed with PTSD and depression.
During this time I began to date a guy- a single dad with full custody of his daughter. He seemed kind, thoughtful and genuinely interested in supporting myself and family through this difficult time and beyond. We have been friends for about 3 years and dated for over 2. Our daughters knew each other from nursery where they had been best friends, and this helped to make our friendship, and eventual relationship, seem safe and familiar. I confided in him about my past relationship and he painted a similar picture of his ex-wife, telling me she has been mentally unstable and abusive. Stating that she had rejected their child. He told of how she manipulated the women’s refuge to think that he was an abuser but always stressed that the court had proven her a liar and, hence, he gained full custody. This obviously worried me, but I slowly allowed myself to trust him.
About two weeks ago, after very stupidly relying on the pull-out method, I discovered I was pregnant. He initially told me to get rid of the baby which, given our apparent closeness, completely stunned me. He had often spoken about begging his ex-wife not to abort their daughter which she had desperately wanted to do. He also knew my personal feeling that, while I absolutely defend any woman’s right to choice, I could never imagine terminating a pregnancy. I had been through hell while pregnant with my son (and two daughters) and had struggled against the odds but now could not contemplate being without them. He then told me we could make things work, but last night, very coldly told me he ‘wanted out’. He says that he has been wanting to end the relationship for months but wanted to build up my confidence and independence to a point where he could leave without guilt- essentially I was some sort of annoying project. There was no external sign of this and he encouraged me to confide in him. He seemed like my best and only friend.
I am absolutely shattered- I don’t know what to do for the best. I have three children already on my own. I have a good job but left my last relationship with nothing and it has been a struggle to rebuild. I struggle to face the idea of an abortion but an terrified that if I don’t it will have a terrible impact on my existing children, my career, my mental health. I am also terrified that he might try to take the child from me, just as I now fear he did to his ex partner. If I didn’t have my children, the way I feel at present, I would not be here. Please don’t reply to tell me how stupid I have been, but any advice would be appreciated.